The illusion?

I think..I've decided..I really hate love. It's just an illusion. Maybe it is just how I'm feeling at this moment, and I'll discover otherwise later, but this is my blog, my journal, it's meant to have the feelings of the moment written in. I can't say that I won't ever love again, that I don't love right now..I just hate that I have to feel it. Life would be so much easier if I didn't care about people so damn much. I some times wonder who has the better life; the ones who care only about themselves and how to get your money, or the people who helplessly devote themselves to everyone but themselves.....I know that I'll love, I'll keep loving, it's inevitable. But I'm not sure how easy it will be for me to risk anything again. Then again...to contradict myself, I'll end up doing it again, because I know I can't live on my own any longer. You'd think with how much 'experience' I've had, it'd get easier, but it doesn't..it only makes you crave for it. Even if it is simply a hug, or a shoulder to cry on...or just someone...anyone... listening to you, as well as letting you know that you're needed. I guess..really...I don't hate love, I just hate a lot of things that, ironically, come with it. I really hate lies, pain..anything negative, yet I'm always caught in it. I guess this is just a healing process that I need to go through to learn to let go some times. To learn how to care, just a little bit, about myself. ...Anyway...I don't know what else to say now.