Embrace the Pain

I swear..I thought I was destined to spend the night in the hospital. I dont know what exactly happened..I've got a few hunches though.

Evan comes up stairs and tells me, come downstairs I want to show you something! and then runs downstairs. So I stand up, and as soon as I do so, something in my gut lets out a burst of pain. So much that I almost fell over right there. But I thought, it'll go away, and I walked down there.... well..an hour later, it's just gotten worse. Maybe I just need to use the restroom, you know? So I try that, no..that's not it..I might be hungry..nope. And soon after that I went into the bathroom again..just in case I threw up what I had just eaten. But it just kept getting worse and worse. It was behind my lower ribs, and a spot just below my belly button, and then another pain just shot up through my chest and all the way up to my neck, just like a long string, on the right side..and then it did it on the left side..but it went up and in between my jaw bone and all the way up to my throat. And by this time, you can imagine I was getting a little dizzy, and I doubled over with the next shot of pain and knelt on the floor and then fell over my legs and held my stomach trying to get the pressure to dull the pain. But it just hurt so bad..and it was a strange type of pain, not normal.. but I cant explain it..And with my head in the position it was, blood rushing to it, and in a strange way it became a more comforting pain because it was familar to me..and so I tried to focus on that. But really, I just ended up either about to pass out or about to fall asleep, I'm not exactly sure, I cant remember.

But then my dad found me in there on the floor. and I told him I was hurting really bad..and he just said stand up straight..and I couldn't, if I did, it'd hurt unbearably. So, he did the next best thing, and he got me laying down as flat as possible on a chair and a stool. And just stretching out flat was horrible. But he just told me, to close my eyes and breath very deeply..and for the first few minutes it was the height of the pain, but then it slowly subsided..and I felt fine. Well..as fine as I ever feel.

Strange as it sounds, I am half glad I got to feel that sort of pain..Pain should be embraced. It is what tells you that you're alive. It is what shows you the reality of this life. It is what creates what we call 'feeling good' or 'relaxed' . People just can't face reality most times. I think, I've learned, you dont try to run from the pain because life is pain. It is impossible to avoid. It's not possible to escape pain, There are just degrees of pain and brands of pain, but the real problem people have is thinking that there's some way to avoid pain. Maybe if you seek out the pain wherever it hides, and embrace, and challenge it, it will make you all the more stronger, all the more powerful, and more in tune with yourself..I believe. Physical and emotional pains are ineluctable. hm..now that I think of it, didn't Dalai Lama say something like Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Now, no worries, I'm not going to go out and start cutting daily, I'm just making a point..not to fear pain..