goodbyes and the apocalypse

Well...I think I'm okay...better than when I last posted. Thanks to a lot of things/people. But I'm leaving tomorrow. I just went around seeing everyone I am going to miss. I was riding the bus home, with a friend, Christina. She'll be moving to Portland a week before I get back. Oh that was a really sad goodbye-forever. She was crying and I had told myself I'd be fine, but just 'cause she started to cry, I did. I think I mean a lot to her. I helped her through a lot of things, with her family, and otherwise. And have done the best I could to get her to feel better about herself. We'll keep in touch though. When I said bye to Jen, she started sobbing into my shoulder...I didn't know that I was loved so much. That I'd be missed that much. I know I've helped people, but I never knew that it meant that much. I hardly try to take the credit for anything I do, because the credit doesn't matter to me, you know? All night, until now, I've been packing the last few things, and I let Emily come and 'help'..but she ended up sitting on my bed coloring a picture for me that I'm "not allowed to see until I go on my trip". I went over to her, and decided to explain that I would be leaving for a very long time, I wont get to see her for a long while. So she asked if I missed her when she went to her first dance class that morning. "Yes, Em, I did." And I suddenly realized how much I'm going to miss her and I started to tear up. So she reached her little hand out and moved my hair out of my eyes and told me she'd miss me too, and that it will be okay. She doesn't understand exactly what 'missing' is, she's only four, but she knows that when someone cries, you say 'it'll be okay'.........I have been very excited for this, for sooo long, it seems, I've waited. And now that it's here...people decide, now's the time to tell me that I mean something..and suddenly I'm torn with whether I want to go or not. Of course I want to go...it makes much more sense, it's my family..my dad. He's missed most of my life and he deserves something, esp. on his birthday, the birthday I've never been there for. Besides, I'll be back soon enough......Anyways...an update on everything else...lemme quote a friend "Life's a bitch sometimes, but it's for a reason" True dat..it's hard, believe me, I know...but you learn things, and that's the point. It's all leading up to something in the end. I'm not so sure how much I believe in God, or all of those things they teach you in church. But I do know, that even though the book of mormon and the bible may tell us a lot about what this is all about..it also says, that there are many things yet to be revealed. We'll never know everything, at least not til' the 'end'...the 'apocalypse'..the 'millenium'. Whatever you want to call it. We can't even comprehend all of these things..We can hardly comprehend the expanse of the universe..so..I think I'll just wait patiently, and do what I'm told...or what I am told, as long as I feel it is right.