Cross the Sea of Tears

'Although you might not be as clear as you wish when communicating your plans, you are still a force to be reckoned with. You are riding a wave that is building in power, so don't play all your cards yet. Waiting for the best moment to share your ideas can be challenging, for you want others to know right away. Still, you'll get a better response if you can hold off for even one more day.' I think it's amazing, how accurate the site I recieve these from, every day...horoscopes, of course..and it's hard to find an accurate one these days. But I know a few of the people who work with it, so they are genuine. Anywho, changing the subject...

There is something I need to do. And it all came to me rather suddenly. But it will cause me to have to lose contact with a few people..I dont know for how long..maybe even forever. Not everyone, of course, but a few very good friends of mine. Heh...it's one of the cruelest things I've done so far.. I dont see how some people can do worse things like what I'm doing, solely for enjoyment..or to get gain in some way or another..and just do it all the time. I cant hurt people..and that's that..I just..can't purposely hurt someone else for a reason like that. And..I know, he's told me..I do everything I can to help everyone who comes my way..but I end up trying to help all the wrong people..most of the time, at least. Doing that, get's me in more trouble..I might be fighting a war that's already been lost..and that person is beyond my help..and will only take advantage of me and bring me down as well. Because, as we know, the low get lonely, and could always use some company so rather than coming to me, they'll bring me to them.

Anyways.. that isn't the point. The point is, there is something I have to do now. Part of this 'something' has to do with changing myself..it will make me stronger..if I can do this..I will be one step closer to being able to control my emotion. It makes me weak when I try too hard to surpress that other side of me. I cant do that anymore..I've got to make them seperate, then mesh them together. This just has to be done..to prove it to myself that it can be done. And I'm still not entirely sure how to go about it, but I'll just ride the wave and see where it takes me......It's going to be hard, I know, very very hard for me. Just gotta tell myself that what I'm doing isn't going to kill me, it might even be the beginning of what saves me.

My life is really insane..always wished for an adventure, now that I've got...what you could call an adventure, I'm not so sure I want it. Not like the movies at all, it isn't... But..all in good time, it shall be worth it..