This isn't, he isn't, you aren't, I'm not.

Have you ever had one of those extreme feelings of unreality? Where you sit there and suddenly something..or everything, is weird. As in, you think, wow...since when was the sky blue, I just realized how strange that is. Or, you'll be in the middle of a conversation with your best friend whom you've known for years, and suddenly...you get this strange feeling, just that it's all 'unreal'. They've been your friend for so long, and suddenly you can't see that anymore. And yet, you're aware of this all the same. This rising feeling of unreality, that he isn't real, this isn't real, you aren't..comes, and you do everything possible to fight it back, because you say, this is stupid, of course it is, of course it is...what am I thinking? and then you lose it and you notice little things everywhere...every little thing comes into focus. You see this or that suddenly, when otherwise, would've never noticed. Look, shes got a new freckle on her nose..hey, suddenly, I smell the scent of jenna, a couple minutes later, here she comes. And all at the same time, it's unreal to you. I don't know any other word for it...no other word to describe that feeling other than sort of dreamlike, yet, somewhere, you know it is real. And there's sometimes a slight feeling of panic that always comes with it. Pressure on your chest and sometimes lightheadedness. I guess it goes along with how...I do this thing sometimes, and I really dont like it, but if I unfocus my eyes, or they do it themselves, I don't ever pull them back out...I mean of course I do eventually. But it's hard, it's like a force. And I've got to get my mind stronger than that or I'll never see...well...I''ll never see normal or clear.....I guess, again. Both of these things have happened since...well, a long time. I'm not sure when but lately I've noticed them more. And I don't like it, I don't like the feeling, and I don't like not having control of myself. I dunno...I guess I was just thinking about these things and...thought I'd write them down while I could. I don't even know if they made any sense.