Saturday noon

Agh! I feel like gouging out my eyes and tearing apart the parts of my mind that are labeled: "Bad memories" and ….well...I don't know what the heck that side of my mind is called, but that too.
And when I said gouging out my eyes I meant it literally. I thought that as I got older it would be easier, that I would get used to it. But it seems as though its just getting more irritating.
Waking up each morning, I don't want to open my eyes again. Not because I am tired or that they are too packed with Sleep..but because..I know what I'll see, and I don't want to see it anymore. Its strange because this is the only case in which I want to be "normal", what ever that is. I know that it has always fascinated me…right? Right…but sometimes, I just wish it's stop, just for a day or something, its just another thing driving me insane. I mean, maybe …if I had an answer…if only I knew what it is, what they are, and why…it would be so much easier. But I suppose that its just part of the test. See how long I can stand it until I crack. THEN take pity and tell me what it is really for. Whether that be simply a test of endurance…or something else….like that I should be using this for. But I cant use it unless I know that it…they, whatever, are. It just cant work.
Well anyways, not that I'm done expressing my feelings on that particular issue, we'll talk about something else ( though I do not believe that is such a good idea considering the mood that I am in right now) hmmm
Well, yes..I guess my day hasn’t been so great. Been frustrated a lot, with some people, with myself. Yea, I mean, I swear I am going to scream the next time my stepfather touches me, in any way.
But, yea, I am going to stop now, before I say something that shouldn’t be public, and besides, I haven’t eaten since Saturday noon..so…that’s all for now.