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you know what I hate? ha, myself. yea...I've had a long night..it was terrible, sort of...I just hate to fall asleep the way i did...I'd love to just lay there all day and do absolutely nothing. Of course if I did that, I'd probably end up..well.....i wont say the details, but it just wouldn't happen, and i'd end up in a lot of pain, and having to clean again, an infested room. That is so disgusting, but i haven't a choice do I? So, as long as I do exactly as I'm told I should be fine right? mmhm....sure.
anyways...I dont really know what the point of this is, and I know i shouldn't be writing in the situation i'm in right now...just how someone who's been drinking knows they shouldn't be driving but they do anyways, its sorta like that..so you may want to ignore any and everything i write here today..I've been feeling horrible lately, and I've cracked today, actually more like last night. If you want to know exactly how I feel, I'm doing the best I can not to scream right now, and trying my best not to tear something apart, or to run, because if I let myself, i probably wouldn't come back either because I've died, or becuase once I'm out, I will stay out, because there's nothing to come home to. There is no home anyway. I know, I have serious 'issues'..i know there's something wrong with me that repels them away, but i do not understand why no one will tell me...no one will explain it to me...I wish someone would... if I cant understand anything else, I jst want to understand this one thing... what is wrong with me. Something happens to me, so why...why cant someone just tell me. sometimes they say that they dont want me to die, but they dont act like they care. So why should i believe it? I'm just so confused...if this is torture, I'd rather die then endure torture.
well...at least there is a three day weekend, no school on monday...I wonder what I'll find to do then. I've got to go though, i do not want to be here when well nevermind