I need to stop seeing these things. It's only building the guilt and only creating the very doubt I've been trying to escape from all along.
I mean, I've realized that the real reason I'm here right now is unknown to me. I can't explain it, I don't understand it. I just know I have to be here. No matter how hard life is here, no matter what I'm sacrificing for it. I'm really sacrificing a lot just to follow this feeling. Just to follow instinct.
A lot of times I'm just miserable here. Alone. And feeling guilty for everyone I've let down, or left behind, or hurt...all of these people that I feel responsibility for making their lives better, easier, happier......But for once, I am just trying to do something for myself. I know it doesn't seem like I'm treating myself to anything, but really truly I am...because for once, I'm taking the steps I should have been taking all along. I'm finally teaching myself how to have faith. How to trust. Not trust just anyone, I have a bit of a problem in trusting too easily....but the one person I've not been able to all this time is myself. I'm learning to trust myself. So no matter how hard it is, I'm not going to go back. No matter how ridiculous it seems...me leaving so much for something I can't see yet...I'm not going back. Not giving up.
"Faith is not belief. Belief is passive. Faith is active." --Edith Hamilton
"I have one life and one chance to make it count for something . . . I'm free to choose what that something is, and the something I've chosen is my faith. Now, my faith goes beyond theology and religion and requires considerable work and effort. My faith demands -- this is not optional -- my faith demands that I do whatever I can, wherever I am, whenever I can, for as long as I can with whatever I have to try to make a difference." --Jimmy Carter
"A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshipping we are becoming" -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"If your heart acquires strength, you will be able to remove blemishes from others without thinking evil of them." --Mohandas K. Ghandi
I mean, I've realized that the real reason I'm here right now is unknown to me. I can't explain it, I don't understand it. I just know I have to be here. No matter how hard life is here, no matter what I'm sacrificing for it. I'm really sacrificing a lot just to follow this feeling. Just to follow instinct.
A lot of times I'm just miserable here. Alone. And feeling guilty for everyone I've let down, or left behind, or hurt...all of these people that I feel responsibility for making their lives better, easier, happier......But for once, I am just trying to do something for myself. I know it doesn't seem like I'm treating myself to anything, but really truly I am...because for once, I'm taking the steps I should have been taking all along. I'm finally teaching myself how to have faith. How to trust. Not trust just anyone, I have a bit of a problem in trusting too easily....but the one person I've not been able to all this time is myself. I'm learning to trust myself. So no matter how hard it is, I'm not going to go back. No matter how ridiculous it seems...me leaving so much for something I can't see yet...I'm not going back. Not giving up.
"Faith is not belief. Belief is passive. Faith is active." --Edith Hamilton
"I have one life and one chance to make it count for something . . . I'm free to choose what that something is, and the something I've chosen is my faith. Now, my faith goes beyond theology and religion and requires considerable work and effort. My faith demands -- this is not optional -- my faith demands that I do whatever I can, wherever I am, whenever I can, for as long as I can with whatever I have to try to make a difference." --Jimmy Carter
"A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshipping we are becoming" -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"If your heart acquires strength, you will be able to remove blemishes from others without thinking evil of them." --Mohandas K. Ghandi
No comments:
Post a Comment