Monday, January 29, 2007

Rainstorm

http://sakahari.imeem.com/music/jfZCxehE/rainstorm/

So you see...




Today was a pretty boring...long...day...

Nothing interesting...exciting...influencial...epiphanic...today...as of yet...at least.

Our group has stopped bombarding our representatives with e-mails. Haha...What else can you do if you aren't capable of traveling to D.C. (the marches this passed weekend) and would like to cause a bit more stress for them...

Hmmm...well, I learned about covalent bonds in Biology...heh...and a friend of mine, well...he decided to come to class besotted...*sigh*...at least it was a little amusing...

I had to re-press my silk screen, because obviously I didn't do it good enough the first time.

Learned the Dative endings and several more words to add to my vocabulary in Latin...

Mumma sent some pictures from her trip to Cali. to design some rooms for her friend....they turned out beautiful, as always. Lavender. Golden Gate Bridge. Bienvenidos to San Fransico. Muy muy bueno. I falta tu.

So you see... not much to tell...
"Wherever a man may happen to turn, whatever a man may undertake, he will always end up by returning to the path which nature has marked out for him."--Goethe

Slave




Somebody whispered,

“Beware, she wants you on your knees!”

I whispered back:

“On my knees I whish to serve my Lady”

Someone shouted at me:

“You, poor slave of her beauty!”

I shouted back:

“Poor, so she can feed me with her mature fertility;

slave, so she can mark my body,

with signs of her sensuality.”

The other day a passerby asked:

“Where does this never ending ecstasy come from?”

I answered:

“She is the ocean and I thirst her countlessly”

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Eye, Sea, Light


Everyone has felt that at least once...
Felt that short little jumping feeling you get when you try and try and try and no matter how much effort or time you put into it, it just wont come to you until the right moment... it comes when it chooses to.
Yea... that feeling, the little "click"...the little spurt of realization. You know what I'm talking about?
Just that little tug...subtract any causes or outcomes or thoughts....just the tug.....the plain old tug.
That's what I'm talking about. Now.....Imagine it lasting for more than just seconds...imagine it lasting minutes, days, months, years..forever...

The Last 2 Tablets of Toth

Secret of Secrets/ Secret of Secrets/ Now ye assemble, my children,/ waiting to hear the Secret of Secrets/ which shall give ye power to unfold the God-man,/ give ye the way to Eternal life./
Plainly shall I speak of the Unveiled Mysteries./ No dark sayings shall I give unto thee./ Open thine ears now, my children./ Hear and obey the words that I give. /
First I shall speak of the fetters of darkness/ which bind ye in chains to the sphere of the Earth./
Darkness and light are both of one nature,/ different only in seeming,/ for each arose from the source of all./ Darkness is disorder./ Light is Order./ Darkness transmuted is light of the Light. / This, my children, your purpose in being;/ transmutation of darkness to light.
Hear ye now of the mystery of nature,/ the relations of life to the Earth where it dwells./ Know ye,/ ye are threefold in nature,/ physical, astral and mental in one. /
Three are the qualities of each of the natures;/ nine in all, as above, so below./
In the physical are these channels,/ the blood which moves in vortical motion,/ reacting on the heart to continue its beating./ Magnetism which moves through the nerve paths,/ carrier of energies to all cells and tissues./ Akasa which flows through channels,/ subtle yet physical, completing the channels./
Each of the three attuned with each other,/ each affecting the life of the body./ Form they the skeletal framework through which the subtle ether flows./ In their mastery lies the Secret of Life in the body./ Relinquished only by will of the adept,/ when his purpose in living is done./
Three are the natures of the Astral,/ mediator is between above and below;/ not of the physical, not of the Spiritual,/ but able to move above and below./
Three are the natures of Mind,/ carrier it of the Will of the Great One./ Arbitrator of Cause and Effect in thy life./ Thus is formed the threefold being,/ directed from above by the power of four./
Above and beyond man's threefold nature/ lies the realm of the Spiritual Self./
Four is it in qualities,/ shining in each of the planes of existence,/ but thirteen in one,/ the mystical number./ Based on the qualities of man are the Brothers:/ each shall direct the unfoldment of being,/ each shall channels be of the Great One. /
On Earth, man is in bondage,/ bound by space and time to the earth plane./ Encircling each planet, a wave of vibration,/ binds him to his plane of unfoldment./ Yet within man is the Key to releasement,/ within man may freedom be found./
When ye have released the self from the body,/ rise to the outermost bounds of your earth-plane./ Speak ye the word Dor-E-Lil-La./
Then for a time your Light will be lifted,/ free may ye pass the barriers of space./ For a time of half of the sun (six hours),/ free may ye pass the barriers of earth-plane,/ see and know those who are beyond thee./
Yea, to the highest worlds may ye pass./ See your own possible heights of unfoldment,/ know all earthly futures of Soul./
Bound are ye in your body,/ but by the power ye may be free./ This is the Secret whereby bondage/ shall be replaced by freedom for thee./
Calm let thy mind be./ At rest be thy body:/ Conscious only of freedom from flesh./ Center thy being on the goal of thy longing./ Think over and over that thou wouldst be free./ Think of this word La-Um-I-L-Ganoover/ and over in thy mind let it sound./ Drift with the sound to the place of thy longing./ Free from the bondage of flesh by thy will./
Hear ye while I give the greatest of secrets:/ how ye may enter the Halls of Amenti,/ enter the place of the immortals as I did,/ stand before the Lords in their places/
Lie ye down in rest of thy body./ Calm thy mind so no thought disturbs thee./ Pure must ye be in mind and in purpose,/ else only failure will come unto thee./
Vision Amenti as I have told in my Tablets./ Long with fullness of heart to be there./ Stand before the Lords in thy mind's eye./
Pronounce the words of power I give (mentally);/ Mekut-El-Shab-El Hale-Sur-Ben-El-Zabrut Zin-Efrim-Quar-El./ Relax thy mind and thy body./ Then be sure your soul will be called. /
Now give I the Key to Shamballa,/ the place where my Brothers live in the darkness:/ Darkness but filled with Light of the Sun ODarkness of Earth,/ but Light of the Spirit,/ guides for ye when my day is done./
Leave thou thy body as I have taught thee./ Pass to the barriers of the deep,/ hidden place./ Stand before the gates and their guardians./ Command thy entrance by these words:/
I am the Light./ In me is no darkness./ Free am I of the bondage of night./ Open thou the way of the Twelve and the One,/ so I may pass to the realm of wisdom./
When they refuse thee, as surely they will,/ command them to open by these words of power:/ I am the Light./ For me are no barriers./ Open, I command,/ by the Secret of Secrets Edom-El-Ahim-Sabbert-Zur Adom./
Then if thy words have been Truth of the highest,/ open for thee the barriers will fall./
Now, I leave thee, my children./ Down, yet up, to the Halls shall I go./ Win ye the way to me, my children./ Truly my brothers shall ye become./
Thus finish I my writings./ Keys let them be to those who come after./ But only to those who seek my wisdom,/ for only for these am I the Key and the Way./
The trinity/
Supplementary/
List ye, O Man, to the deep hidden wisdom,/ lost to the world since the time of the Dwellers,/ lost and forgotten by men of this age./
Know ye this Earth is but a portal,/ guarded by powers unknown to man./ Yet, the Dark Lords hide the entrance that leads to the Heaven-born land./ Know ye, the way to the sphere of Arulu is guarded by barriers opened only to Light-born man./
Upon Earth,/ I am the holder of the keys to the gates of the Sacred Land./ Command I, by the powers beyond me,/ to leave the keys to the world of man./
Before I depart, I give ye the Secrets/ of how ye may rise from the bondage of darkness,/ cast off the fetters of flesh that have bound ye,/ rise from the darkness into the Light./
Know ye, the soul must be cleansed of its darkness,/ ere ye may enter the portals of Light./ Thus, I established among ye the Mysteries/ so that the Secrets may always be found./
Aye, though man may fall into darkness,/ always the Light will shine as a guide./ Hidden in darkness, veiled in symbols,/ always the way to the portal will be found./ Man in the future will deny the mysteries but always the way the seeker will find./
Now I command ye to maintain my secrets,/ giving only to those ye have tested,/ so that the pure may not be corrupted, /so that the power of Truth may prevail./
List ye now to the unveiling of Mystery./ List to the symbols of Mystery I give./ Make of it a religion for only thus will its essence remain./
Regions there are two between this life and the Great One,/ traveled by the Souls who depart from this Earth;/ Duat, the home of the powers of illusion;/ Sekhet Hetspet, the House of the Gods./ Osiris, the symbol of the guard of the portal,/ who turns back the souls of unworthy men./
Beyond lies the sphere of the heaven-born powers,/ Arulu, the land where the Great Ones have passed./ There, when my work among men has been finished,/ will I join the Great Ones of my Ancient home./
Seven are the mansions of the house of the Mighty;/ Three guards the portal of each house from the darkness;/ Fifteen the ways that lead to Duat./ Twelve are the houses of the Lords of Illusion,/ facing four ways, each of them different./
Forty and Two are the great powers,/ judging the Dead who seek for the portal./ Four are the Sons of Horus,/ Two are the Guards of East and West of Isis,/ the mother who pleads for her children,/ Queen of the Moon, reflecting the Sun./
Ba is the Essence, living forever./ Ka is the Shadow that man knows as life./ Ba cometh not until Ka is incarnate./ These are mysteries to preserve through the ages./
Keys are they of life and of Death./ Hear ye now the mystery of mysteries:/ learn of the circle beginningless and endless,/ the form of He who is One and in all./ Listen and hear it, go forth and apply it,/ thus will ye travel the way that I go./
Mystery in Mystery,/ yet clear to the Light-born,/ the Secret of all I now will reveal./ I will declare a secret to the initiated,/ but let the door be wholly shut against the profane./
Three is the mystery,/ come from the great one./ Hear, and Light on thee will dawn./
In the primeval, dwell three unities./ Other than these, none can exist./ These are the equilibrium, source of creation:/ one God, one Truth, one point of freedom./
Three come forth from the three of the balance:/ all life, all good, all power./
Three are the qualities of God in his Light-home:/ Infinite power, Infinite Wisdom, Infinite Love./
Three are the powers given to the Masters:/ To transmute evil, assist good, use discrimination./
Three are the things inevitable for God to perform:/ Manifest power, wisdom and love./
Three are the powers creating all things:/ Divine Love possessed of perfect knowledge,/ Divine Wisdom knowing all possible means,/ Divine Power possessed by the joint will of/ Divine Love and Wisdom.
Three are the circles (states) of existence:/ The circle of Light where dwells nothing but God,/ and only God can traverse it;/ the circle of Chaos where all things by nature arise from death;/ the Circle of awareness where all things spring from life./
All things animate are of three states of existence:/ chaos or death, liberty in humanity and felicity of Heaven./
Three necessities control all things:/ beginning in the Great Deep, the circle of chaos, plenitude in Heaven./
Three are the paths of the Soul: Man, Liberty, Light.
Three are the hindrances:/ lack of endeavor to obtain knowledge;/ non-attachment to god;/ attachment to evil./ In man, the three are manifest./ Three are the Kings of power within./ Three are the chambers of the mysteries,/ found yet not found in the body of man./
Hear ye now of he who is liberated,/ freed from the bondage of life into Light./ Knowing the source of all worlds shall be open./ Aye, even the Gates of Arulu shall not be barred./ Yet heed, O man, who would'st enter heaven./ If ye be not worthy, better it be to fall into the fire./ Know ye the celestials pass through the pure flame./ At every revolution of the heavens,/ they bathe in the fountains of Light./
List ye, O man, to this mystery:/ Long in the past before ye were man-born,/ I dwelled in Ancient Atlantis./ There in the Temple, I drank of the Wisdom,/ poured as a fountain of Light from the Dweller./
Give the key to ascend to the/ Presence of Light in the Great world./ Stood I before the Holy One enthroned/ in the Flower of Fire./ Veiled was he by the lightnings of darkness,/ else my Soul by the Glory have been shattered./
Forth from the feet of his Throne like the diamond,/ rolled forth four rivers of flame from his footstool,/ rolled through the channels of clouds to the Man-world./ Filled was the hall with Spirits of Heaven./ Wonder of wonders was the Starry palace./
Above the sky,/ like a rainbow of Fire and Sunlight,/ were Formed the Spirits./ Sang they the glories of the Holy One./ Then from the midst of the Fire came a voice:/ Behold the Glory of the first Cause./ I beheld that Light, high above all darkness,/ reflected in my own being./ I attained, as it were,/ to the God of all Gods,/ the Spirit-Sun,/ the Sovereign of the Sun spheres./
There is One, Even the First, who hath no beginning, who hath no end;/ who hath made all things, who govern all,/ who is good, who is just, who illumines, who sustains.
Then from the throne, there poured a great radiance,/ surrounding and lifting my soul by its power./ Swiftly I moved through the spaces of Heaven,/ shown was I the mystery of mysteries,/ shown the Secret heart of the cosmos.
Carried was I to the land of Arulu,/ stood before the Lords in their Houses.
Opened they the Doorway/ so I might glimpse the primeval chaos./ Shuddered my soul to the vision of horror,/ shrank back my soul from the ocean of darkness./ Then saw I the need for the barriers,/ saw the need for the Lords of Arulu./
Only they with their Infinite balance/ could stand in the way of the inpouring chaos./ Only they could guard God's creation./
Then did I pass ëround the circle of eight./ Saw all the souls who had conquered the darkness./ Saw the splendor of Light where they dwelled./
Longed I to take my place in their circle,/ but longed I also for the way I had chosen,/ when I stood in the Halls of Amenti/ and made my choice to the work I would do./
Passed I from the Halls of Arulu/ down to the earth space where my body lay./ Arose I from the earth where I rested./ Stood I before the Dweller./
Gave my pledge to renounce/ my Great right until my work on Earth/ was completed, until the Age of darkness be past./
List ye, O man, to the words I shall give ye./ In them shall ye find the Essence of Life./ Before I return to the Halls of Amenti,/ taught shall ye be the Secrets of Secrets,/ how ye, too, may arise to the Light./
Preserve them and guard them,/ hide them in symbols,/ so the profane will laugh and renounce./ In every land, form ye the mysteries./ Make the way hard for the seeker to tread./
Thus will the weak and the wavering be rejected./ Thus will the secrets be hidden and guarded,/ held till the time when the wheel shall be turned./
Through the dark ages, waiting and watching,/ my Spirit shall remain in the deep hidden land./ When one has passed all the trials of the outer,/ summon ye me by the Key that ye hold./
Then will I, the Initiator, answer,/ come from the Halls of the Gods in Amenti./ Then will I receive the initiate,/ give him the words of power./
Hark ye, remember, these words of warning:/ bring not to me one lacking in wisdom,/ impure in heart or weak in his purpose./ Else I will withdraw from ye your power/ to summon me from the place of my sleeping./
Hark ye, remember, these words of warning:/ bring not to me one lacking in wisdom,/ impure in heart or weak in his purpose./ Else I will withdraw from ye your power/ to summon me from the place of my sleeping. /
Now go ye forth and summon thy brothers/ so that I may impart the wisdom/ to light thy path when my presence is gone./ Come to the chamber beneath my temple./ Eat not food until three days are past./
There will I give thee the essence of wisdom/ so that with power ye may shine amongst men./ There will I give unto thee the secrets so that ye,/ to, may rise to the Heavens,/ God-men in Truth as in essence ye be./ Depart now and leave me while I summon/ those ye know of but as yet know not.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Ayat al-Kursi, Surat al-Baqarah

اللَّهُ لاَ إِلَهَ إِلاَّ هُوَ الْحَيُّ الْقَيُّومُ لاَ تَأْخُذُهُ سِنَةٌ وَلاَ نَوْمٌ لَهُ مَا فِي
السَّمَاوَاتِ وَمَا فِي الأَرْضِ مَنْ ذَا الَّذِي يَشْفَعُ عِنْدَهُ إِلاَّ بِإِذْنِهِ يَعْلَمُ مَا بَيْنَ
أَيْدِيهِمْ وَمَا خَلْفَهُمْ وَلاَ يُحِيطُونَ بِشَيْءٍ مِنْ عِلْمِهِ إِلاَّ بِمَا شَاءَ وَسِعَ كُرْسِيُّهُ
السَّمَاو ;َاتِ وَالأَرْضَ وَلاَ يَئُودُهُ حِفْظُهُمَا وَهُوَ الْعَلِيُّ الْعَظِيمُ
Allahu la ilaha illa Huwa, Al-Haiyul-Qaiyum La ta'khudhuhu sinatun wa la nawm, lahu ma fis-samawati wa ma fil-'ard Man dhal-ladhi yashfa'u 'indahu illa bi-idhnihi Ya'lamu ma baina aidihim wa ma khalfahum, wa la yuhituna bi shai'im-min 'ilmihi illa bima sha'a Wasi'a kursiyuhus-samawati wal ard, wa la ya'uduhu hifdhuhuma Wa Huwal 'Aliyul-Adheem
Asma' bint Yazid (radiAllahu anhu) reported, ' I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) say about these two following Ayahs, i.e, verses: "Allah! There is no god but He - the Living, The Self-subsisting, Eternal. [2:255], And, Alif Lam Mim, Allah! There is no god but He - the Living, The Self-subsisting, Eternal [3:1-2], That they contain Allah's Greatest Name." (--Imam Ahmed bin Hanbal in his Musnad)
"Do you know the Ayatul Kursi?" Anas (radi-allahu anhu) replied "I know". The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said, "It is equal to a quarter of the Qur'an

A Love Story

Jacob was on the run.
He was running from his brother Esau. Jacob had tricked his brother out of their father’s blessing, and now Esau was so angry... he wanted to kill him. So Jacob was traveling east, to the land where his grandfather Abraham was born.
Early on a warm afternoon, he came to a well in the fields outside the town of Haran. The well was just like the one that his grandfather’s servant had come to many years before, when he was looking for a wife for Isaac. It may have been the very same one....
Three flocks of sheep were lying in the fields beside the well, waiting for their shepherds to water them.There was a large stone covering the well, and the shepherds had to wait until all the shepherds were there before they could move it.
So Jacob came up to the shepherds and said, “My friends, where are you from?”
“From Haran,” they answered.
“Then you must know my uncle Laban! He is from Haran,” Jacob said.
“Yes, we do,” the shepherds answered.
“Is he well?” Jacob asked.
“He is well, indeed,” the shepherds said, “And look, here comes his daughter Rachel now, with his flock of sheep!”
Jacob asked, “Shall we roll back the stone so that we can water the sheep?”
“We cannot...the stone is too heavy," the shepherds answered. "We must wait until all the shepherds have arrived.”
At that moment, Rachel arrived with her father’s sheep.When Jacob’s eyes met Rachel’s... it was as if the world came to a stop. The crying of the sheep, the laughing and talking of the shepherds, all seemed to disappear. It was as if there was no one else in all the world but the two of them.
Jacob fell so deeply, crazy in love with Rachel, that he walked over to that huge stone and rolled it away himself."Here, now you may water your sheep!" he said to Rachel.
And then he kissed her.“I am your relative. Your aunt Rebekah is my mother,” he told her.
Rachel ran home to tell her father all that had happened. When her father heard the news...he ran to meet Jacob. He hugged and kissed this nephew he hadn't known until now, and brought him to his home.
When Jacob had told his story... Laban said, “You are indeed my own flesh and blood!”And so Jacob stayed with his uncle’s family for a whole month. Then Laban said to Jacob, “You should not have to work for me for nothing just because you are my relative! How shall I pay you?”
Now, Laban had two daughters. Rachel was the younger, and Leah was the older. Leah had beautiful eyes, but... Jacob was madly in love with Rachel. And so Jacob said, “I will work for you for seven years if you will let me marry your daughter Rachel.”
Laban said, “I would rather give her to you than to anyone else.”
And so Jacob worked for his uncle for seven years. But to Jacob, the years seemed like nothing at all. Just to be near the one he loved was enough to fill his heart.
Finally, the day came that Jacob had worked for all those years. At last, Laban gave his daughter Rachel to be married. There was a great wedding feast. And that night, under a sky of shining stars, Rachel came to Jacob’s tent.... She was wrapped from head to foot in layers of veils and flowing robes.
Jacob took her by the hand and led her inside. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. They were alone together at last. And that night, in the eyes of God, Rachel became Jacob’s wife, and he became her husband.
Before that night they were two separate people... Now God had joined the two together, and they became one family. The two became one....
But, when the light of morning came, Jacob awoke to a big surprise. It wasn’t Rachel he had married at all! It was her sister Leah he was lying beside!
Jacob jumped from his bed and ran straight to the tent of his Uncle Laban.“You tricked me! You promised me Rachel, but you gave me Leah instead!”
Well - look who's talking! The cheater got cheated.
He didn’t like it very much. Laban said to him, “It isn’t our custom to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older. How about...you work for me another seven years, and I will allow you to marry Rachel as well."
And of course...despite his uncle's treacherous motive...Jacob agreed. And Jacob and Rachel were married at last. The two became one....
Jacob had worked for his uncle another seven years...but he would have gladly worked a hundred, for his love for Rachel ran longer than the longest river, deeper than the core of the universe...
(reference....Genesis 29)

Friday, January 26, 2007

I'm giving my heartless thoughts too much power....

I am not capable of helping myself... "Not strong enough to pay the price. I find myself yearning for the numbness of surrender. Does clarity get easier to bear with time? I find myself dreaming of the comfort of foggy blindness, and willing to submit for the sake of survival. If the goal is simplicity, surely this is the simplest path to that end.." ((--Melissa Cameron)).

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Buddhist Wisdom


Whose minds are well-developed
in the factors of self-awakening,
who delight in non-clinging,
relinquishing grasping--
resplendent,
their effluents ended:
they, in the world,
are Unbound.
--Dhammapada 6, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Circles and lines




Time is a circle, not a line

52 years

So who told them anyway? we did.

coculkan's...what? ....under Chitchinitza.

One Hunahphu

Blood woman

Tezcatlipoca

Xibalba

Symbolism--This court is the milky way, this hoop is the center hole, this ball is the sun.
-----Are these.........Rantings of a 'mad' mind?




Once upon a time....

Once God used to live just in the marketplace, but the whole day, even in the night people were knocking on the doors and complaining about everything: "This is not the right kind of world you have created. Why is there so much sickness? If you are the creator, then why do you create bodies which are sick? Why is there old age, and why is there death?"
So people tortured him so much, the old story says, that he called a council of his angels and asked them, "I will either die out of this constant torture, or I will have to commit suicide! Can you tell me what I should do? These people don't leave me for a single moment and their demands are such that I cannot fulfill them. And there are millions of people shouting and angry because their desire has not been fulfilled, their prayer has not been heard."
So the angels thought. One angel said, "It is good if you move to Everest, the highest peak of the Himalayas."
God said, "You don't know it but I am omniscient, I know everything -- past, present, future. Soon there will be a man who will reach to the highest peak of the Himalayas. And once one man has found me, there will be buses and airplanes, and all kinds of vehicles. And they will make roads and hotels, and again there will be the marketplace. You don't understand: it will only be just a little peace for a short time. That won't do. I will have to change my place again."
So somebody suggested, "Why don't you move to the moon?"
He said, "You don't understand because you don't know the future -- just after Everest they are going to go to the moon. So I will have to change again. Show me something from where I have not to change!"
Then an old angel came close to him and whispered in his ear, "The only place man may never think of is within his own heart. You just sit there ..."
He has disappeared from everywhere. Perhaps you can encounter something of divineness in your own being. In your own life you may find something which is godly. You will not find God as a person, you will find a quality, a fragrance, a presence; a certain air, a certain energy which is not yours, which belongs to the cosmos.
Book: I Celebrate Myself: God Is No Where, Life Is Now Here by Osho

Monday, January 22, 2007

A 3D Reflection


I was sitting in class today, daydreaming of course. Hey, I had my part of the lab work done, what better to do than gaze silently at the window? So anyway....There's little me, wishing to be ubiquitous...and suddenly found myself, staring at the view.... and it was amazing, I had a fun little epiphany.
I saw all the layers in a 2D way at first...The reflection, the delicate glass, the parking lot...then a little field of grass with the occasional dirt spot and weed, then comes a chain-link fence topped with reminding barbed wire...just beyond that are deep rolling hills and finally the gray clouds dancing with the wind all across the vast sky.
All of a sudden it just expands and creates a story, a journey.
You walk up to that window and stare at the reflection of a face that was never yours, thinking is will take more strength to open that window than you possess, you use all your might, and it lifts free from the sill with unexpected ease.
Jumping out the window, you feel as if you are flying, rather than falling. Just as you begin to relax, you hit the asphalt bottom. So... you make your hopping barefooted way across that rough lot til you reach the cool, scratchy....yet soft...grass. What a relief.
Making your way across the drass you eventually hit this chain-link fence that had once seemed so tiny. Realizing there's no way around it you proceed to climb...one hand above the other...not too hard...
But then you reach the top... and there's no where to go... you're tangled in the wires with barbs picking at your body. But fortunately, you had learned previously, the secrets to maneuvering through such kinds of wire.
Finally, you make it safe to the opposite side and see these beautiful rolling green hills...You run up and down and up and down, up, faster, and down, faster, up....and you take off above the dancing clouds into the sky to brilliantly shine among the stars.....
And I thought....hey....this could be life.

"Life is just a chance to grow a soul." --A. Powell Davis
"True religion is real living; living with all one's soul, with all one's goodness and righteousness."--Albert Einstein
"People living deeply have no fear of death."--Anais Nin
(hehe, I know, I have a cheesy way of expressing these things)


Sunday, January 21, 2007

1- Thirumandhiram


The One is He, the Two His divine Grace; in Three He stands, and witnesses in all Four. The Five He conquered, the Six He filled, and the Seven Worlds He pervades - manifesting the Eight. And so, in all things, remains.

An Auction...??

Our country is incredibly stupid.
So, one day, over there in the Iraq area, our people realize, "Oh, we're sitting on a pile of junk....what should be do about it?" 'Junk' = left over tomcat fighter jet parts.
"I don't know, Bob, what do you think?"
"Hmmm...we could recycle it.....? What do you think, Joe?"
"Naaaaaa......Let's hold an auction! moneymoneymoney."
"YEA!! that's a fantastic idea!"
"You're truly brilliant, Joe..."
(No no...I think the extent of their stupidity is what is truly awe-inspiring.) Now... Let's think.... who are the only people that would buy those things...? They're older, and no one flies those kind of planes anymore anyway, right?
Oh wait....there is one country....They'll surely use the parts....
AND that country just so happens to be the one who hate's us with a passion....One that we have a rather "unhealthy" past with (exp. the '79-81 Hostage Crisis). Also the one who is seemingly 'helping out' the Iraqi people who are against us, by bringing in their own trained 'militia revolutionaries' to kill our idiotic friends, Bill, Bob, and Joe. And "we" are only ready to devote approximately 15 seconds to informing the public about these implicit acts of war.
Now please please tell me that by holding this auction, we're not deliberately putting weapons into the hands of our enemy?

Saturday, January 20, 2007

What is Hafiz telling us?


Into the mirror of my cup the reflection of your glorious face fell And from the gentle laughter of love, into a drunken state of longing I fell Struck with wonder by the beauty of the picture that within my cup I beheld The picture of this world of illusion from the reflection of my mind fell
From the house of prayer into the house of drink I fell not of myself From eternity it was meant to be you came to me and into drunkenness I fell
From the beginningless beginning beneath the veil your face was hidden well but upon those with love and wisdom a ray from your most glorious face fell
All this world, reflected wonder, wine and love and song, in which we dwell Is nothing but a fragment of the one whose reflection into my cup fell. What is Hafiz telling us?
Lov Maggi

Sufic Humor...


There was once a small boy who banged a drum all day and loved every moment of it. He would not be quiet, no matter what anyone else said or did. Various people who called themselves Sufis, and other well-wishers, were called in by neighbors and asked to do something about the child. The first so-called Sufi told the boy that he would, if he continued to make so much noise, perforate his eardrums; this reasoning was too advanced for the child, who was neither a scientist nor a scholar. The second told him that drum beating was a sacred activity and should be carried out only on special occasions. The third offered the neighbors plugs for their ears; the fourth gave the boy a book; the fifth gave the neighbors books that described a method of controlling anger through biofeedback; the sixth gave the boy meditation exercises to make him placid and explained that all reality was imagination. Like all placebos, each of these remedies worked for a short while, but none worked for very long. Eventually, a real Sufi came along. He looked at the situation, handed the boy a hammer and chisel, and said, "I wonder what is INSIDE the drum?"

Attain freedom from fear

How many of us are free from inner unrest, how many of us realize that fear is the main force behind this turbulence? Before we can begin to find peace within or without, we must gain freedom from fear.
This demon-fear must be vanquished.

SOmething....


Isn't this kinda cool?? ....peace....
Ugh....I need something to talk about....

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

"La Curacion del Sufrimiento"

"The Healing of Suffering" Punta de Vacas, 1969 (Mendoza, Argentina; Kinda reminds me of my childhood friend, Alan.)
http://cecio.krur.com/video/1969_puntadevacas.html
This is well worth 15 minutes of your time.
"Do not open false doors..."

Quote for the day

Children have neither past nor future; they enjoy the present, which very few of us do.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

The way to heaven...

Oh how quick I am to be reminded of my past.....my "almost-mistakes"...

It is hard to see someone with so much potential....go down in such a way that was murder, not by himself, but by his past.
But weighing deeply on the other hand.....Why must God bring about such things to haunt me with? It is a good reality check....very good.....yet, very harsh.

Monday, January 15, 2007

I have a dream...


The Great Below


"Not only is another world possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing."


Arundhati Roy

Sad....

Something I find rather sad...
My youngest step sister stopped by the kitchen to get something to eat and told me she was watching a "Texas Roadhouse" marathon. So I asked this...rather young girl...if she reall ought to be watching a show like that.
Now, I've never actually seen the show, I've just heard things about it.
Anyway, she proceeded to defend the supposed acceptability for a girl of her age to watch a series like that. One line that sticks out in my mind, "Oh, but there's nothing bad in it. Like nobody getting raped or anything" "Oh?" "Well, I mean...there are some murders...but that's not that bad, and some of them are on accident." ....WHA? Are you trying to tell me, that someone killing another person isn't just as bad as someone raping a person? Someone killing someone else isn't as bad as say... lying?
Honestly speaking...Killing is just as bad, if not worse than a rape. AND in any case, they are both terrible! I don't know who on earth would tell a child that killing is "not that bad"......She's completely desensitized to death, violence, murder, racism, killing, war, rape, insanity, torture, to the extent that it hardly fazes her. Which could possibly be useful if she ever decides to become the most lonely, yet best soldier later in life....but I don't think that's her life goal.
It's just kind of sad.....these things.....just sad.
"Every revolutionary ends up either by becoming an oppressor or a heretic."--Albert Camus
"A sobering thought: what if, at this very moment, I am living up to my full potential?"-- Jane Wagner
"If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream." --'The Trumpet of Conscience'-Martin Luther King Jr.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Testimonials

"Melissa says:
January 14, 2007
This girl came into the world on her own timeline, with eyes that see more than most and the desire to be different. She is a bright shining star who chose to be here among us pebbles, so we can see how brilliance is formed, close up.
Oh, do I love her."
Aren't mother's wonderful? They have the ability to change your life forever in just a few words.

Children of Men






Jump




Don't surrender your loneliness




so quickly




Let it cut more deeply




Let it ferment and season you




as few human




or even divine ingredients can.




Something missing in my heart tonight




has made my eyes so soft... My voice




So tender,




My need of that which is deprived of me




That Absolute




Clear




with me always




but never see




Avoiding ?




glance.
Gone from me.



Saturday, January 13, 2007

Finally? :P

Federer lost!!
...and to Roddick! (in the Australian Open)

Monday, January 08, 2007

Just Listen...


It was a beautiful morning today. They said it's supposed to rain, but the skies are this brilliant limpid blue.
Lying in bed, with the sun's rays just beginning to touch my face, I started thinking... About everything I'm grateful for, about all my blessings...Being grateful for being able to be grateful. Being able to love that radiant sun, and appreciate it's awesome power, despite whether it's destructive or not.
Of course, about that time...reality starts to slink in again with its black tentacles. But I'm trying to be optomistic about it. Hey, I'm learning to trust myself, I'm getting much MUCH better at trusting. There's just a lot of big decisions...changes... I have to make soon. I'm dreading, yet hopeful. They'll turn out how they're supposed to...just have to put faith in that.
I just need to listen...just listen. As well as keep any external forces from penetrating my 'bubble' while I'm trying to listen so as to avoid any outside influence....because, we don't want to make any mistakes now, do we?
"Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right." --Isaac Asimov

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Mad world




I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad...that the dreams in which I'm dyin' are the best I've ever had...

Is it true

Is it true.. sometimes it's okay to cry? Is it true that it makes everything better, makes you feel better?

OMAR!


"Diyarbakir, Turkey is a city where Kurds rule the streets but the Turks dictate the law. The Kurdish people in this south east Turkish city do not enjoy the same freedoms as their counterparts do further down south. In the Kurdish region of Iraq, the Kurdish flag flies high and many murals around the cities of Arbil and Dohuk tell stories of the Kurds. If any Kurd made a similar attempt in Turkey to document Kurdish history, they would be incarcerated. In the eyes of the Turkish Government, being a Kurd in Turkey is not a good thing.
I had the opportunity to walk the alleys of Diyarbakir, which are beautiful and haunting. These alleys are where the poor live and where I felt welcomed the most. The residents of these alleys go out of their way to make visitors feel welcomed and safe. Naturally, you can find the usual city scammer although this is not the norm here. Diyarbakir is a fairly large city with many historic sites that are a source of local pride. One of these is an immense wall that separates the alleys from the wealthier part of the city.
One of the locals that I will remember the most is Omar, the bell boy at Class Hotel. This is one of the only hotels in Diyarbakir claiming to offer Wi-fi where it actually works. Omar is a devout Muslim with nothing but love in his heart for all human beings including people he’s only just met, like me. He dreams of becoming an English teacher, but making only $120 a month with a family of six makes that very difficult. There is no time for school, only work. He asked me to tell everyone back in the states that not all Muslims are evil terrorists. I promised him I would, but could not guarantee the results.
It was very difficult for me to sit back and watch a healthy, intelligent man with so much potential catering to the rest of society which seemed to have no appreciation for him or his efforts. I did not want to waste another moment, so that same day my travel companion Regan and I purchased a laptop computer. We showed up at the hotel and put the computer on the counter. Omar looked at it, thinking we were simply showing off our computer. When Regan and I explained to Omar that it was for him to keep, to study hard and become a teacher, he did not know what to do. With tears in his eyes, he promised that he will become an English teacher. "
--By Walt Gaya http://www.michaelyon-online.com/wp/omars-side-of-the-wall.htm

Friday, January 05, 2007

Four letter word

I feel the need to write about the four letters I wrote on my flash paper on New Year's Eve.
F
E
A
R
Seems to be a regular topic around here, huh?
Yes, and the reason being, it's a creature I really struggle with. Have struggled with my entire life. Don't we all?
This four letter word is virtually the only thing that holds me down.
When I lit the paper and it vanished...it did seem to lift a weight off my shoulders. Although it did not make the fear magically disappear, it did help me in the way that works best for me, the way I can benefit (learn) more from. That is...leaving the fears, but adding bravery. Adding courage, strength, optomism....hope.
"The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature." --Anne Frank
"If your heart acquires strength, you will be able to remove blemishes from
others without thinking evil of them."
--Mohandas K. Ghandi (aka (picky people)Gandhi...GAHN-DEE :) )

Poetry you can dance to


He whose head is in love's shade/ Beneath his feet will be paradise/ He whose head is in love's shade
Come, my shadow, shadow, shadow, shadow/ My shadow, shadow, shadow, shadow/ Come, my shadow, shadow, shadow/ Come, my shadow, shadow, shadow, shadow/ Come, my shadow, shadow, shadow/ Come, my shadow, shadow, shadow
With your head in love's shade come, my shadow/ With your head in love's shade come, my shadow/ Let my feet walk upon paradise, come my shadow/ Let my feet walk upon paradise, come my shadow/ Come, my shadow, shadow, shadow, shadow
That friend who is like a fragrance /Whose language is like Urdu/ She is my evening and night, my universe/ She is my friend, my beloved, beloved/ Come, my shadow, shadow, shadow, shadow/ Come, my shadow, shadow, shadow, shadow
Sometimes a hidden flower flaunts itself,/ If it lets off a fragrance then it comes into view/ Wear it like a sacred amulet, it will be like a religous verse/ Sometimes a hidden flower flaunts itself,/ If it lets off a fragrance then it comes into view/ Wear it like a sacred amulet, it will be like a religious verse
That friend who is like a spiritual leader/ She is my melody, she is my Quranic verse/ My melody, melody, my Quranic verse, Quranic verse/ My melody, melody, my Quranic verse, Quranic verse/ She walks like the morning dew, underneath her feet heaven moves/ Sometimes the tree branches, sometimes the leaves I search for traces of her in the air
With your head in love's shade come, my shadow/ With your head in love's shade come, my shadow/ Let my feet walk upon paradise, come my shadow/ Let my feet walk upon paradise, come my shadow/ Come, my shadow, shadow, shadow, shadow
I am the admirer of her beauty, she is a wanderer like the daylight and shade/ She changes the color of her radiance, I am the barterer of color and beauty/ I am the barterer of color and beauty
He whose head is in love's shade, beneath his feet will be paradise/ Evening and night, my universe, that friend is my beloved, beloved/ Come, my shadow, shadow, shadow, shadow
With your head in love's shade come, my shadow/ With your head in love's shade come, my shadow/ Let my feet walk upon paradise, come my shadow/ Let my feet walk upon paradise, come my shadow/ Come, my shadow, shadow, shadow, shadow
That friend who is like a fragrance/ Whose language is like Urdu/ She is my evening and night, my univers/e She is my friend, my beloved, beloved/ Come, my shadow, shadow, shadow, shadow/ Come, my shadow, shadow, shadow, shadow/ My shadow, shadow, shadow, shadow/ Come, my shadow, shadow, shadow, shadow
--"Chaiyya, Chaiyya" -A.R.Rahman (sorry... I'm obsessed :P)
http://youtube.com/watch?v=MLPuBHqm3Os

Cryin'




I need to stop seeing these things. It's only building the guilt and only creating the very doubt I've been trying to escape from all along.

I mean, I've realized that the real reason I'm here right now is unknown to me. I can't explain it, I don't understand it. I just know I have to be here. No matter how hard life is here, no matter what I'm sacrificing for it. I'm really sacrificing a lot just to follow this feeling. Just to follow instinct.

A lot of times I'm just miserable here. Alone. And feeling guilty for everyone I've let down, or left behind, or hurt...all of these people that I feel responsibility for making their lives better, easier, happier......But for once, I am just trying to do something for myself. I know it doesn't seem like I'm treating myself to anything, but really truly I am...because for once, I'm taking the steps I should have been taking all along. I'm finally teaching myself how to have faith. How to trust. Not trust just anyone, I have a bit of a problem in trusting too easily....but the one person I've not been able to all this time is myself. I'm learning to trust myself. So no matter how hard it is, I'm not going to go back. No matter how ridiculous it seems...me leaving so much for something I can't see yet...I'm not going back. Not giving up.

"Faith is not belief. Belief is passive. Faith is active." --Edith Hamilton

"I have one life and one chance to make it count for something . . . I'm free to choose what that something is, and the something I've chosen is my faith. Now, my faith goes beyond theology and religion and requires considerable work and effort. My faith demands -- this is not optional -- my faith demands that I do whatever I can, wherever I am, whenever I can, for as long as I can with whatever I have to try to make a difference." --Jimmy Carter

"A person will worship something, have no doubt about that. We may think our tribute is paid in secret in the dark recesses of our hearts, but it will out. That which dominates our imaginations and our thoughts will determine our lives, and our character. Therefore, it behooves us to be careful what we worship, for what we are worshipping we are becoming" -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"If your heart acquires strength, you will be able to remove blemishes from others without thinking evil of them." --Mohandas K. Ghandi

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Let's Hold the Sun



Don't you ever feel like...you just want to go out and do everything they say is 'impossible'...?
"Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world." --Nelson Mandella (46664!! something new I learned)
"All things change; nothing perishes." --Ovid
"If your heart acquires strength, you will be able to remove blemishes from others without thinking evil of them." --Mohandas K. Ghandi


سُورَة الفَاتِحَه

بِسْمِ اللَّهِ الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيمِ

الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ

الرَّحْمَنِ الرَّح ِيمِ

مَالِكِ يَوْمِ الدِّينِ

إِيَّاكَ نَعْبُدُ وَإِيَّاكَ نَسْتَعِينُ

اهْدِنَا الصِّرَا طَ الْمُسْتَقِيمَ

صِرَاطَ الَّذِينَ أَنْعَمْتَ عَلَيْهِمْ غَيْ رِ الْمَغْضُوبِ عَلَيْهِمْ وَلاَ ضَّالِّينَ

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Where's the camera?




Reading what my mother wrote about our little week together... I began really thinking, changing. Her words nearly brought me to tears. It's everything I've meant to say, but haven't gotten as far as learning the words to express it with. She's just so talented. And she says she wants to be me when she grows up??

But she's right...about everything... The streams, the lights, the trees...the hills, the river, the narrow, winding roads..the memories. We kept saying... "Let's take more pictures!" "More pictures!" "Get the camera!" "Where's the camera?" "Just tell me to stop the car when you see something good.." And yet... we managed to get distracted in one way or another causing us to end up with only goofy pictures of us eating, or unexpecting...and videos of us singing to songs we don't know, and pretending like we know how to dance....But above all, left us with the bittersweet knowledge that it's our secret memories, no photograph could capture.

Her writing that...was just the little push I needed to get out of my own "withdrawl"...
" 'I have done that,' says my memory. 'I cannot have done that' -- says my pride, and remains adamant. At last -- memory yields." --Nietzsche
"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.....
......There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom...." --Anais Nin
"Then, without realizing it, you try to improve yourself at the start of each new day; of course, you achieve quite a lot in the course of time. Anyone can do this, it costs nothing and is certainly very helpful. Whoever doesn't know it must learn and find by experience that a quiet conscience makes one strong." --Anne Frank
"If your heart acquires strength, you will be able to remove blemishes from others without thinking evil of them." --Mohandas K. Ghandi

Reminds me..

I'm writing you to catch you up on places/ I've been You held this letter/ probably got excited, but there's nothing else inside it
didn't have a camera/ by my side this time/ hoping I would see the world with both my eyes/ maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm/ in the mood to lose my way/ with words
Today skies are painted colors of a cowboy's cliche'/ And strange how clouds that look like mountains in the sky/ are next to mountains anyway
Didn't have a camera by my side this time/ Hoping I would see the world with both my eyes/ Maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm/ in the mood to lose my way/ but let me say
You should have seen that sunrise with your own eyes/ it brought me back to life/ You'll be with me next time I go outside/ just no more 3x5's
Guess you had to be there/ Guess you had to be with me
Today I finally overcame/ tryin' to fit the world inside a picture frame/ Maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm in the mood to/ lose my way but let me say
You should have seen that sunrise with your own eyes/ it brought me back to life/ You'll be with me next time I go outside/ just no more 3x5's/ no more 3x5's
--song by John Mayer

"Why am I telling you this?"

"Last night I was uploading the photos from my trip to Tennessee and there are some giant gaps in what is portrayed versus those things I will remember. Mostly, my daughter and I took turns taking shots of each other, probably because neither of us likes our picture taken, and the only way to prevent that is to be the one with the camera :-P
But what about that tumbling mill stream on the way up to Astrid's place? And the way the light hit the trees, and the rolling hills, and the river. And the Tennessee fencelines, and the barns and the narrow twisty roads. The light is different there, softer, diffuse, warmer.
And the incongruity of Christmas lights when the lawns are still green, and the time we got lost in Loudon county, and how near the trashy trailer folk live to my friends' gorgeous new lakefront home. I don't really have a photo of me and Paul together, and only one of Astrid. None of Judi, or James or Tracey or Diane or Virginia. Just lots of silly ones of Juliana eating and Paul's daughter playing dress-up. None of the sunsets or the kooky old buildings tucked away between the commercial areas, none of Diane's hand-dyed silk scarves or the lush colors in her home.
I know why, though. Awhile ago someone here said something to me about standing in the middle of my life and truly feeling it. Experiencing every nuance, the smells and the energy of the moment, immersing myself rather than observing it. And that's what I've been doing. I don't really need photographs for those moments, because I'll never forget them. It means it's harder to share with others, but really, how do you share that joy? I hope that each of my dear friends has a multitude of moments like that every day, experiences that are so precious and vivid you will never forget them.
I felt so washed by the millions of tiny instants of pure light this last week that I sort of crashed yesterday in withdrawal from them. Everything hurt more without them there, and I know I overreacted to Emily's rejection of me when I got home. And the duality of having pieces of my mother heart scattered across such a long distance, I can scarcely bear it, especially realizing it's going to be much longer in duration than I had hoped. But even in that dissonance, there is joy. I'm kind of odd about pain; it's so very close to ecstasy for me. And in this way, I know it means that my emotions are running very deep, and that is in truth a measure of how I've managed to open up and let things flow I'd always held contained before.
On New Year's Eve, I sat with three other women and chose words to write on flash paper. I chose really hard words to burn; it took a bit of time to work my courage up to form the letters. But I did it, and lit it, and it flashed so bright and brief, not so much as an ash left to fall in the bowl. As if it's so easy to let go of doubt, and uncertainty, and hesitation. There's a really giant empty space inside me where they resided; I hadn't realized they took up so much room. And just like I did after burning man, I feel fragile but strong in holding open that space for something important, in not filling it with anything unintended, in not allowing others to fill it for me. So maybe that's it, this insecure hollowness inside. I need to feel braver about what I choose. I have some ideas, but I'm ---- oh god, I burned that, didn't I?"

--Written by...Melissa Cameron...my mother.


Ohne Dich






















Ich werde in die Tannen gehen/
Dahin wo ich sie zuletzt gesehen/
Doch der Abend wirft ein Tuch aufs Land/
und auf die Wege hinterm Waldesrand/
Und der Wald er steht so schwarz und leer/
Weh mir, oh weh/
Und die Vögel singen nicht mehr/







Ohne dich kann ich nicht sein/
Ohne dich/
Mit dir bin ich auch allein/
Ohne dich/
Ohne dich zähl ich die Stunden ohne dich/
Mit dir stehen die Sekunden/
Lohnen nicht/








Auf den Ästen in den Gräben/
ist es nun still und ohne Leben/
Und das Atmen fällt mir ach so schwer/
Weh mir, oh weh/
Und die Vögel singen nicht mehr/





Ohne dich kann ich nicht sein/
Ohne dich/
Mit dir bin ich auch allein/
Ohne dich/
Ohne dich zähl ich die Stunden ohne dich/
Mit dir stehen die Sekunden/
Lohnen nicht ohne dich/




--Rammstein

How Sad... :) but true

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

So Many Lessons


Okay...why haven't I......Juliana, why hasn't she written anything on the new year...? Does it even exist? Is it just another day....?
No...It is the fact that these couple days have been so hard for me. Emotional-wise....and in a good way. There is so much feeling in me...so much sacred feeling inme that I cannot even begin to write it. I have decided to keep it precious and keep it in me.
But I will say this...Thinking back on the the year, I weep. I weep for the world, the people, myself. Weep because of all the magnificence, the beauty, the incredible and perfect unvierse we live in. It is so amazing to me the way things come together. The way lives come together. The way we can count on the sun always rising, the moon always shining. We can always count on everything coming together as it should.
Of all times to be at a loss for words, it is now. And I honestly would rather not say even if I could muster the words. But I truely can't describe how I feel, all the memories...all the good and bad. Mistakes... or were they? Such large decisions to make.
At least I can say this... it was indeed the most important, memorable, challenging, fantastic, horror-filled, sentimental and above all wonderful year of my life yet.
"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed." -- Albert Einstein

But the comforting smell...


Waking up this morning... to an empty bed, a clean room...silence...cold. No sign left. No ruffled sheets, no suitcases, no car, no trace, no goodbye...nothing. I didn't think it would hit me so hard. I didn't realize I had been living in a mirage for the passed week. Just a dream?
How perfect it had felt.
But I wasnt left with nothing... of course not, and that's a wonderful feeling.
"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change." --Buddha
"Before you were conceived/ I wanted you/Before you were born/ I loved you/Before you were here an hour/ I would die for you/This is the miracle of life." --Maureen Hawkins
"The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours. No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen. And the fact that it practically always doesn't, matters not a jot. The possibility is always there." --Monica Baldwin

Made in the first few days...