sigh

So many things have been happening, not all of them ‘bad’, it just sometimes seems like it. Why is it the bad things always drown out the good ones.
Sometimes I cant even remember the exciting things happening because every little bad thing always surfaces first.
And nothing today has helped. Right now, I can scarcely sit up, I’ve got such a bad headache because of the weather change and stress. I’ve also got a lot of stomach pain. I can’t take the stupid pills because I keep choking on them. I’ve gotten a lot of crap from people today too, and I’ve been a jerk myself today. I just cant control it right now, too much on my mind. I’ve got no where to vent either..no one really to talk to. I’ve got here of course. And btw, before I forget, I apologize for all the complaining and such I’m doing here. But everyone has to some time, and some where. If I can’t vent, if it can’t come out in words or actions, due to me not allowing it because sometimes I can’t trust myself, then it comes out in other ways. My silent tears..and I’m not afraid to admit it . I know I am a ‘cry-baby’ so just get over it, shouldn’t I? I’m also stuck here at home because there’s tornado warnings being issued everywhere, and its starts hailing stones every once and a while.

I wonder…am I really so stupid? Shall I just quit asking questions and trying to convince myself otherwise and just start believing it? Its true isn’t it? I am stupid, I am an idiot. That’s all there is to it, hey? A stupid beast, isn’t it? Just talk right over me please, as though I’m not there, after all, I wouldn’t understand anyway, right?

You know, surprisingly, suicide hasn’t once popped up for quite a while. And it isn’t no either. It really doesn’t come over stupid little things, believe it or not. I’ve usually got fairly good reasons for thinking it. More than I show, because some can’t be put it words. That is why I sometimes think I am mad. But I suppose there are some things that a ‘madman’ couldn’t do that I can..I don’t know…
There are so many things I’d love to mention right now…good things.. I guess. More of exciting..but I’ll only mention, not explain. I’m not so much in the mood for it, and I do need to lay down, I’m getting dizzy, laying down only helps, though, if you have quiet, but that wont happen, I’ll be called off to do something else, or to get the ‘traditional’ blaming….oh well, its life.
Well one thing, the festival/concert/ competition thing is Saturday, ugh, exciting yet, I’m not sure I want to go.
And not to long ago I saw something, new, that was exciting, but I can’t get it to come back again…*shrug*. I did apoligize for the complaining didn't I?