Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Suddenly I see


Her face is a map of the world/ Is a map of the world/ You can see she's a beautiful girl/ She's a beautiful girl/ Everything around her is a silver pool of light/ People who surround her feel the benefit of it/ It makes you calm/ She holds you captivated in her palm/
Suddenly I see/ This is what I wanna be/ Suddenly I see/ Why the hell it means so much to me (Repeat x1)
And I feel like walking the world/ Like walking the world/ And you can hear she's a beautiful girl/ She's a beautiful girl/ She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white/ Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember/ What you heard/ She likes to leave you hanging on a wire/
Suddenly I see/ This is what I wanna be/ Suddenly I see/ Why the hell it means so much to me (Repeat x1)
And she's taller than most/ And she's looking at me/ I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine/ She makes me feel like I could be a tower/ Big strong tower/ She got the power to be/ The power to give/ The power to see yeah yeah
Suddenly I see/ She got the power to be/ The power to give/ The power to see yeah yeah/ Suddenly I see/ She got the power to be/ The power to give/ The power to see yeah yeah/ Suddenly I see/ She got the power to be/ The power to give/ The power to see yeah yeah /
Suddenly I see/ This is what I wanna be/ Suddenly I see/ Why the hell it means so much to me (Repeat x1)
Suddenly I see/ Why the hell it means so much to me (x2)
--"Suddenly I see"- KT Tunstall

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Torture, a part of the soul

Torture is Now Part of the American Soul

Cost of the War in Iraq$351,428,317,771
Torture Is Now Part of the American Soulposted Monday, 18 December 2006
Torture Is Now Part of the American SoulBy George Monbiot, The Guardianhttp://www.alternet.org/story/45613/
After thousands of years of practice, you might have imagined that every possible means of inflicting pain had already been devised. But you should never underestimate the human capacity for invention. United States interrogators, we now discover, have found a new way of destroying a human being.
In early December, defense lawyers acting for Jose Padilla, a US citizen detained as an "enemy combatant," released a video showing a mission fraught with deadly risk -- taking him to the prison dentist. A group of masked guards in riot gear shackled his legs and hands, blindfolded him with black-out goggles and shut off his hearing with headphones, then marched him down the prison corridor.
Is Padilla really that dangerous? Far from it: his warders describe him as so docile and inactive that he could be mistaken for "a piece of furniture." The purpose of these measures appeared to be to sustain the regime under which he had lived for over three years: total sensory deprivation. He had been kept in a blacked-out cell, unable to see or hear anything beyond it. Most importantly, he had no human contact, except for being bounced off the walls from time to time by his interrogators. As a result, he appears to have lost his mind. I don't mean this metaphorically. I mean that his mind is no longer there.
The forensic psychiatrist who examined him says that he "does not appreciate the nature and consequences of the proceedings against him, is unable to render assistance to counsel, and has impairments in reasoning as the result of a mental illness, i.e., post-traumatic stress disorder, complicated by the neuropsychiatric effects of prolonged isolation." Jose Padilla appears to have been lobotomised: not medically, but socially.
If this was an attempt to extract information, it was ineffective: the authorities held him without charge for three and half years. Then, threatened by a supreme court ruling, they suddenly dropped their claims that he was trying to detonate a dirty bomb. They have now charged him with some vague and lesser offences to do with support for terrorism.
He is unlikely to be the only person subjected to this regime. Another "enemy combatant," Ali al-Marri, claims to have been subject to the same total isolation and sensory deprivation, in the same naval prison in South Carolina. God knows what is being done to people who have disappeared into the CIA's foreign oubliettes.
That the US tortures, routinely and systematically, while prosecuting its "war on terror" can no longer be seriously disputed. The Detainee Abuse and Accountability Project (DAA), a coalition of academics and human rights groups, has documented the abuse or killing of 460 inmates of US military prisons in Afghanistan, Iraq and at Guantanamo Bay. This, it says, is necessarily a conservative figure: many cases will remain unrecorded. The prisoners were beaten, raped, forced to abuse themselves, forced to maintain "stress positions," and subjected to prolonged sleep deprivation and mock executions.
The New York Times reports that prisoners held by the US military at Bagram airbase in Afghanistan were made to stand for up to 13 days with their hands chained to the ceiling, naked, hooded and unable to sleep. The Washington Post alleges that prisoners at the same airbase were "commonly blindfolded and thrown into walls, bound in painful positions, subjected to loud noises and deprived of sleep" while kept, like Jose Padilla and the arrivals at Guantanamo Bay, "in black hoods or spray-painted goggles."
Alfred McCoy, professor of History at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, argues that the photographs released from the Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq reflect standard CIA torture techniques: "stress positions, sensory deprivation, and sexual humiliation." The famous picture of the hooded man standing on a box, with wires attached to his fingers, shows two of these techniques being used at once. Unable to see, he has no idea how much time has passed or what might be coming next. He stands in a classic stress position -- maintained for several hours, it causes excruciating pain. He appears to have been told that if he drops his arms he will be electrocuted. What went wrong at Abu Ghraib is that someone took photos. Everything else was done by the book.
Neither the military nor the civilian authorities have broken much sweat in investigating these crimes. A few very small fish have been imprisoned; a few others have been fined or reduced in rank; in most cases the authorities have either failed to investigate or failed to prosecute. The DAA points out that no officer has yet been held to account for torture practised by his subordinates. US torturers appear to enjoy impunity, until they are stupid enough to take pictures of each other.
But Padilla's treatment also reflects another glorious American tradition: solitary confinement. Some 25,000 US prisoners are currently held in isolation -- a punishment only rarely used in other democracies. In some places, like the federal prison in Florence, Colorado, they are kept in sound-proofed cells and might scarcely see another human being for years on end. They may touch or be touched by no one. Some people have been kept in solitary confinement in the United States for more than 20 years.
At Pelican Bay in California, where 1,200 people are held in the isolation wing, inmates are confined to tiny cells for 22-and-a half hours a day, then released into an "exercise yard" for "recreation." The yard consists of a concrete well about 12 feet in length with walls 20 feet high and a metal grill across the sky. The recreation consists of pacing back and forth, alone.
The results are much as you would expect. As National Public Radio reveals, 10% of the isolation prisoners at Pelican Bay are now in the psychiatric wing, and there's a waiting list. Prisoners in solitary confinement, according to Dr Henry Weinstein, a psychiatrist who studies them, suffer from "memory loss to severe anxiety to hallucinations to delusions ... under the severest cases of sensory deprivation, people go crazy." People who went in bad and dangerous come out mad as well. The only two studies conducted so far -- in Texas and Washington state -- both show that the recidivism rates for prisoners held in solitary confinement are worse than for those who were allowed to mix with other prisoners. If we were to judge the United States by its penal policies, we would perceive a strange beast: a Christian society that believes in neither forgiveness nor redemption.
From this delightful experiment, US interrogators appear to have extracted a useful lesson: if you want to erase a man's mind, deprive him of contact with the rest of the world. This has nothing to do with obtaining information: torture of all kinds -- physical or mental -- produces the result that people will say anything to make it end. It is about power, and the thrilling discovery that in the right conditions one man's power over another is unlimited. It is an indulgence which turns its perpetrators into everything they claim to be confronting.
President Bush maintains that he is fighting a war against threats to the "values of civilized nations": terror, cruelty, barbarism and extremism. He asked his nation's interrogators to discover where these evils are hidden. They should congratulate themselves. They appear to have succeeded.
George Monbiot is the author of 'Poisoned Arrows' and 'No Man's Land' (Green Books). Read more of his writings at Monbiot.com. This article originally appeared in the Guardian.
© 2006 Independent Media Institute. All rights reserved.View this story online at: http://www.alternet.org/story/45613/
if you're not angry, you're not paying attention

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Mirror Mask


Wow... I was so close. TIME magazine "person of the year" turns out to be...well, 'You'.

Honestly I had a similar first thought. I was thinking, they'll probably just throw away all candidates and just have it be everyone. 'You', as the consumers and citizens that make up the most influencial event(s) of 2006, according to TIME. It was a perfect choice. Couldn't go wrong with it. There was simply too many major events this year that could have been covered.

I mean, as soon as they started narrowing the choices down, I started dismissing my original ideas. I switched them out for what I wanted it to be. I personally thought, maybe they out to do the "bad guy" this time. It's been too long since there was a "bad guy". So I was going more for Ahmedinejad ((sp?) AKA the modern Hitler??). But I'm happy with their choice, and can't wait to head over to Borders with a Starbucks and read it!

"If liberty and equality, as is thought by some, are chiefly to be found in democracy, they will be best attained when all persons alike share in the government to the utmost." --Aristotle

Damn.. if only ^. All congress will be doing in 2007 seven is focussing on how to gain more power for their party or just themselves in preparation for 2008. They aren't the leaders....we're the leaders, the people........ummm.... right?

“We believe that atomic energy is a blessing given by God”-- Mahmoud Ahmedinejad-- "How can you prove you are not a bad person? You can't prove that.”

"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." -- C.S. Lewis

My Interesting "Interviews"


Why are we drawn to things we know are untrue, wrong...'bad'....?


  • Because we have an inherent will to usurp authority; therefore, no matter what command we are given we will stumble to obey. Adam and Eve could not even keep one command why should we be any different. --Phoenixslayer

  • It is due to the dark side of our fallen nature and like will attract like. --Believeme

  • It would be difficult to know good, ifthere was no evil. How would we know love,if there was no hate?Life is a challenge. The good choiceswe make, enrich our person ale. --Kylekeye

  • I don't think we're drawn to the 'untrue".I think human beings are naturally lazy.If someone can have an answer without having to do the research, then why should they memorize anything? I see this more and more in my daily life everywhere I turn. Nothing but lazy ignorant people who are just as content to let someone else think for them.The entire political system actually COUNTS upon this phenomenon so that they can get elected into office. Source(s):
    How many times have you heard (and will you hear) "I voted my party this year"?You see the signs of laziness all around you.You seem to have risen above the mess... just keep treading water until you get to the high ground. Then NEVER give it up to anyone...... --Wolfie

  • Much of who we think we are is 'bad'. But the 'bad' I'm referring to is better described as 'delusional'. Are reality is set wrong. This, at the most fundamental level, is why we do 'bad' things (often without even knowing they're 'bad'). --Badbuddhist

  • It is part of human nature to be curious and to fall to temptation. We are curious about the things we're told are bad and the people involved in those things seem to peek our interest, too. I think it's just wanting to understand why it's so bad or why those people seem to participate and not care about the consequences. We ask ourselves what makes them that way. When we're younger, I think those things we learn are bad become tempting, just to see what will happen if we do it...or if we can do it and not get caught. I think it all boils down to curiosity and temptation....the same thing Eve dealt with. --vanhammer


  • I heard this one quote from I can not recall, but it said that "satan would not BE without his cunningness". "Have you seen those whom have taken thier desires as GOD"-quranI have come to the conclusion that there is ONE universal truth of the matter to existance. And that being the only thing capable of creating it. But creations more than have the capability of frustrating and manipulating to the destruction of others well beings. Let alone the world on a thought that is of your own. GRANTED. My reasons to questions like such that you asked are highly blasphemous. Though they are blasphemous, they are true. So I martyre myself inshallah(GOD willing, if GOD wills, if it must be, if I must, if that is what I choose, etc). And I beg allah not to place me amongst the disbleiever, but to create a throne that I can call my own that I may one day sit upon with no crown. Only piety. Where my own thought will be the TRUE KING. I am sovereign reflected off of malik(sovereign lord). Thought could be the greatest toll that is of mankind. If one does not use it, how can they come to realise. Salam! Source(s):
    May you take care on your path. Some are more easy than others. This is the will of allah. And I humbly accept the inequality for the ONENESS of ALLAH. PEACE! --misconstruded

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "terrorist" ?



  • bin laden-- BloodyAdalwolf

  • airplanes hitting buildings--David T

  • BUSH --Feather

  • Muslims! --MarkosM

  • Explosions. --daisykris

  • The World Trade Center, car bombs in the Middle East, abortion clinic bombings in the US.--rt66lt

  • MY MOTHER,HER FAMILY AND THE CHURCH --badtricky

  • George Bush --Mu'taz

  • arabs blowing themselves up--Mrmoo

  • islam....Honest answer to (what I hope is) an honest question. --CommonSense

  • It certainly isn't Muslim. There have been MANY groups terrorize groups by terrorist activities. About the first terrorists I can think of was the Catholic church during the inquisition. --Rev. TwoBears

  • Attack.--KAITLYN

  • George W. Bush, the idiots who abused the prisoners at Abu Ghraib and now terrorize the guy who blew the whistle on the wrongdoers, Rumsfeld, Timothy McVeigh--vinslave

  • Muslims with fat faces and beards and ugly women covering themselves from head to foot, in case they tempt men! --Franco

  • Religion.--Godzilla

  • 9/11 --pepsiolic

  • Satan's and his outlash on Christian's .......--Ripcord3

  • Islamic fanatics who believe in killing anyone who does not believe as they do. They want to have the crusades all over again but instead of catholic they are Islamic.--Chris Z.

  • Arabs dressed in towels carrying AK-47s and a Koran. Don't blame me its just what comes to mind first of all since its the ones I see most often.--Anon.

  • Anger...and ignorance--Colin C.

  • I think of the Middle East and masked men in black clothes with guns, who are mostly Islamic radicals willing to die as long as any non-Muslim, or "infidel," dies with them. Source(s):
    My source is merely the imagery the pops into my mind. Although, the associations I have with that word do come from the media exposure of the subject and the current state of world affairs. --Danielle C.

  • The Irish Republican Army...actually terrorist is a debatable word and has many defentiton so it doesn't mean blowing things up for religous zeal....--Amin

What is your first thought when you hear the word "Muhammad" ? "Allah"? "Islam"?



  • pretender--Kim C.

  • 1; Ali 2; lahve 3; Cat Stevens is a moron --GM

  • Praised one, The GOD, and submitting to the will of GOD.......la ilaha illalah --misconstruded

  • "Muhammad"- Intuitive fellow, "Allah"- Divinity, "Islam"- Beautiful, misunderstood --PaganRebirth

  • Heads up-- TarKettle

  • 1- founder of Islam, 2- Arabic word for "God", 3- a religion based on the Qur'an --rt66lt

  • The Noble Prophet. Allah means God. Islam is the peaceful religion Muslims follow-- Affan

  • Muhammad: peace be upon him, the greatest of mankind, Allah: The most merciful, the most glorious, the Almighty, Islam: my beloved religion the complete system for human life.-- MuslimRose

  • Child Molester. False prophet.-- Georgiegi

  • The boxer..That's what.. Then I think of KILLING...BABIES HOLDING GUNS, WITH PROUD PARENTS IN THE BACKGROUND..... DEATH..SAND ...SUFFERING....BLOOD...CARBOM... PARTS..why do you ask?? -- Thnkni

  • Planes flying into buildings. -- Jer

  • Ali-- Fuster

  • Works in the corner shop-supports Arsenal and gives me crap horse racing tips. -- Andymcj66

  • Another set of god-statues in need of constant polishing and stoking. I intend no specific disrespect of Islam, I think exactly the same of Christianity. --MiddleMan

  • muhammed.....violent middle eastern man who was demon possessed. allah....fallse moon god, non existant. islam....lost and blind faith in a false prophet worshipping a false and dangerous god. -- Sheepinar

  • 1. Muhammed Ali, the Boxer 2. Islamic word for G-d 3. Terrorism -- David T.

  • My smallness and the God's greatness. --Emina

  • Sick man. His follower are sicker to follow some one like him. --MD

  • muhammad=islam=allah=Satan. -- Cthemagic

  • really the first thing i think of is purity of religion, peacfulness,love and that goes for all three categories being, allah islam, and the profit muhammed(PBUH). And why do u ask ?? -- Muslimahg

  • Courageous man, who united the Arab people and spread the word of God. (I am not a Muslim) peace. --Colin C.

  • A dead man. -- dustylee3

  • Muhammad - his amazing encounter with the angel who demanded he recite and his discussion of how women should be treated well; Allah - "The Merciful, The Compassionate..." ; Islam - muslimahs, hijab, beautiful masjids, the Q'uran... the beautiful call to prayer... I could go on for hours... --vinslave

  • muhammad = the greatest man that ever lived -- UmmAyman

Are we becoming slaves to this modern and ever-enhancing technology?



  • We are the Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. Yes, to a degree, but you can always turn the computer OFF. -- Paul H.

  • I think you've becomes a slave of something when you either can't or don't think you can do without something. I think countries in the western world are becoming slaves of oil-producing countries because of their dependence on oil. This dependence is not totally necessary in that it is the result of western addiction to using vehicles more than they need to ans using vehicles that are bigger than they need to have. Commercials 'create' needs so that companies can sell their products, and people start to think that they can't do without them. Of course, we are now so dependent, in a real sense, on computer technology, that we would suffer greatly if we had to do without it. I think that anything you become dependent on you also become a slave to. --Rgtheisen

  • Well we are free...free to need a new mobile every year although none work as well as an old analogue, need the same running shoe with a different stripe etc. Are blackmailed to throw whole television systems and computers and software in the bin. As we continue to glut ourselves and 3rd world countries follow with ever increasing air conditioning and dish washers I have to draw a parralell with locusts stripping a feild. Yeah sure we are slaves of our own destruction. --BOverit

  • We are sitting in front of a PC answering and asking questions, are we not? muahahahahaha!!!! --ConstElat

What? I was bored...



Thursday, December 14, 2006

That I am






Thinking, wondering, hoping, wishing, going, jumping, leaping, spinning, dancing, smiling, laughing, trying, hurting, functioning, understanding, caring, being, singing, listening, seeing, hearing, tasting, touching, loving, flying...



I'm gonna be happy....

Gaurdian Angel

My hero...

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Black Spruce


Today went pretty good. I woke up to rain :) and the weather warmed up a bit, so it was perfect. Other than I had a surprise EOC today...mleh.... that's always fun, huh?
But, I decided I'm going to do one of those Angel Tree's. It's a little program where you take responsibility for one homeless and/or 'unfortunate' young child, and give them what they need/want for christmas. My little boy is 2 and a half years old... and it was the cutest thing. He asked for a 'Mr. Potatoe head' and a toy "truck that makes noises and flashes". It's so cute. But his mother said what he needs is clothes, a pair of pants or two, or shoes, and a jacket. :'( So... I'm going to spend a little money this weekend and find him an outfit and a toy truck. Can't wait to give it to him. :)
"Giving frees us from the familiar territory of our own needs by opening our mind to the unexplained worlds occupied by the needs of others. " --Barbara Bush
"You make a living by what you get. You make a life by what you give." --Winston Churchill
"There is no beautifier of complexion, or form, or behavior, like the wish to scatter joy and not pain around us. 'Tis good to give a stranger a meal, or a night's lodging. 'Tis better to be hospitable to his good meaning and thought, and give courage to a companion. We must be as courteous to a man as we are to a picture, which we are willing to give the advantage of a good light." --Ralph Waldo Emerson
"Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands." --Anne Frank


Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Satan is our Scapegoat

Why are we drawn to things we know are untrue, wrong...'bad'....?
Why will we do things that we know are wrong, or will cause something 'bad'...?
Like that test...putting two people in seperate rooms, and giving one of them a button and telling them "Press this button and it will shock the person in the other room"....What does that person do? Press the button. Do we do it because of curiosity? Or fear or punishment? Or raised beliefs that respect for authority has no limits.
But really.... on the other note.....Why are we drawn to things we know to be untrue?

Monday, December 11, 2006

"Bad hippy...no more Patchuli..."




Hmmm... Today was a great day. No specific reason either. I just thought to myself as I got out of bed "today is going to be awesome" --and bam, look at where the power of suggestion landed me :) Or is it just karma catching up to me....?

Sorry sorry... I'm not being conceited, I promise.

So, I seemed to accumulate a lot of homework today, and yet, I finished it all quickly after I got home. Just because I needed something o keep me occupied while I waited for it to be 4:oopm in the western hemisphere (of the US). Evan's birthday. I just so happened to catch him while he was waiting to pick of Josh. And I had a great talk with him...

And tonight, I'm just relaxing.... with my new CD, maybe a good book, maybe some art, and burn a little Santal..or maybe Lotus tonight, Patchuli? I don't know, but I'm looking forward to it; looking forward to catching up on some sleep....hopefully.

"Love...what is love? When it occurs , it cannot be denied. No matter what your past has held...when love occurs...your life has forever changed"

"They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: Somone to love, something to do, and something to hope for."

"Experience is a hard teacher; She gives the test first and the lesson afterwards."




Sunday, December 10, 2006

'Cause when it all comes down...

Car door slams, it's been a long day at work/I'm out on the freeway and I'm wondering if it's all worth/The price that I pay, sometimes it doesn't seem fair/I pull into the drive and you're standing there/And you look at me/And give me that come-here-baby smile/It's all gonna be alright/You take my hand/You pull me close and you hold me tight
It's the sweet love that you give to me/That makes me believe we can make it through anything/'Cause when it all comes down/And I'm feeling like I'll never last/I just lean on you 'cause baby/You're my better half
They say behind every man is a good woman/But I think that's a lie/'Cause when it comes to you I'd rather have you by my side/You don't know how much I count you to help me/When I've given everything I got and I just feel like giving in/And you look at me/And give me that come-here-baby smile/It's all gonna be alright/You take my hand/Yeah you pull me close and you hold me tight
Well, you take my hand/Yeah you pull me close and I understand
It's the sweet love that you give to me/That makes me believe that we can make it through anything
Oh baby, it's the sweet love that you give to me/That makes me believe we can make it through anything/'Cause when it all comes down/And I'm feeling like I'll never last/I just lean on you 'cause baby/ You're my better half
Oh, oh baby you're my better half/Ooh, hey baby you're my better half
--"You're my better half"-Keith Urban

Technology




We create it, we birth it, we feed it, we enhance it...and yet we fail to realize that it is biting us in return. And somehow, it is able to influence us so much that we drop down like we're slaves to some diety. When in actuality, this is the very true meaning of "idol worshipping" that we've been told to avoid.




It's simply common sense.




We think we are solving our stress problems by inventing a way for more leisure time. It's only creating more problems, more complications, more feelings that life is moving just too fast to keep up with.




So what are we really doing with that spare time due to our newly concocted labor-saving gadgets? Sitting in our cars in a jam because more cars and same old roads equals everyone going nowhere fast. Sitting in front of TV and computer screens with frivolous and violent video games, movies... that do nothing particularly good for us because it's just like heroin and gambling. Addictive. People waste away for hours on end doing nothing productive, and nothing sentimentally memorable, nothing beneficial...Just getting addicted so that we become dependent on these devices, dependent on their manufacturors to keep our lives......stable? Besides our dependency on this technology is not making life 'easier', it's just making us less productive and more stressed...removing what little life we have left.




Of course.. not all technology is malicious, man-eating, artificial scum. Some is beneficial in ways. We've just got to keep it to the basic needs. For example, a remote control for a TV set... imagine what a difference it would make in our health if we got up and took those few steps back and forth. Or a movie theatre...Rather than waste your money to kill your eardrums with the intense sound effects....why not save time, money, and health by watching it at home. I suppose, part of it is man's natural curiosity...almost impossible to overcome. Just keep your use of appliances reasonable... Although it doesn't seem so, life is so much more enjoyable and simpler with out them.

So...Are we just gonna let this thing make slaves of us?

"All of the biggest technological inventions created by man - the airplane, the automobile, the computer - says little about his intelligence, but speaks volumes about his laziness. " --Mark Kennedy




"Modern technology;Owes ecology; An apology."--Alan M. Eddison




"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity." --Albert Einstein




"The production of too many useful things results in too many useless people. " -- Karl Marx




...Yes, I love technology/ but not as much as you, you see. /But I STILL love technology. /Always and forever./ Always and forever... --"Kip's Wedding Song"


Saturday, December 09, 2006

Sjeemft


-You can't keep this until you have given it.


-Your mother’s brother’s only brother-in-law is asleep on your couch. Who is asleep on your couch?


-A father's child, a mother's child, yet no one's son.
Have you caught my simple drift?
(ran out of time, sorry)


Friday, December 08, 2006

Eta Carinae


Star children
“Memory is deceptive because it is colored by today's events.” --Albert Einstein
HAL; "I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do. "

Thursday, December 07, 2006

real?

I couldn't because I can't allow my imagination to become a reality that doesn't exist. I cannot allow myself to believe in that reality that doesn't, and never has existed.
It isn't real, it's in your head, it's meant to be forgotten as a child, just imagination, just empty, meaningless words and dreams, they say. Okay, I trust you.
But they don't go away.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Lopsided Universe


Evil--


(Adj.) morally wrong or bad; immoral; wicked; (N.) the force in nature that governs and gives rise to wickedness and sin; (adv.) in an evil manner; badly; ill; (Id.) the evil one, the devil; Satan.


Dark, terror, pain, war, candles and rituals, Satan and demons, pentacles, sins, wickedness, black.


What exactly is evil?


Is it simply the absence of good? light? Or maybe just the opposite, the reciprocal of good..? A way to balance? The opposite of that which is deemed "positive". But if that's the case, what force is it that drives are minds to decide...to know... what is "positive" and what is "negative" ?


Or maybe... if 'evil' is the absence of anything at all, is it empathy? Is evil the absence of empathy itself? Can evil be described as man's general incapacity to feel with their fellow man...?


I just cannot understand. They say, you must choose a side; good, light, God; Evil, dark, Satan. Why not recognize that the story of our 'Heavenly Father' would be nothing without Satan? Why not recognize that without feeling pain, man would know no pleasure.
Someone told me this the other day.... "I think a man should be a man, should act like a man, but should know that without a woman he can never be whole, a woman to balance him out, like in nature, two halves, pieced together, to make one whole. "


Moondance


Well, it's a marvelous night for a moondance/ With the stars up above in your eyes/ A fantabulous night to make romance/ 'Neath the cover of October skies/ And all the leaves on the trees are falling/ To the sound of the breezes that blow/ And I'm trying to please to the calling/ Of your heart-strings that play soft and low/ And all the night's magic seems to whisper and hush/ And all the soft moonlight seems to shine in your blush/
Can I just have one a' more moondance with you, my love/ Can I just make some more romance with a-you, my love/
Well I wanna make love to you tonight/ I can't wait till the morning has come/ And I know now the time is just right/ And straight into my arms you will run/ And when you come my heart will be waiting/ To make sure you're never alone/ There and then all my dreams will come true, dear/ There and then I will make you my own/ And everytime I touch you, you just tremble inside/ And I know how much you want me that you can't hide/
Can I just have one a' more moondance with you, my love/ Can I just make some more romance with a-you, my love/
Well, it's a marvelous night for a moondance/ With the stars up above in your eyes/ A fantabulous night to make romance/ 'Neath the cover of October skies/ And all the leaves on the trees are falling/ To the sound of the breezes that blow/ And I'm trying to please to the calling/ Of your heart-strings that play soft and low/ And all the night's magic seems to whisper and hush/ And all the soft moonlight seems to shine in your blush/
One more moondance with you in the moonlight/ Can't I just have one more dance with you my love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpqQL1tJgvM

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Nuremberg

She put in a short movie...people talking politics in some court room. Naturally, no one pays attention and whispers among their friends, making jokes and laughing. Who understands politics anyway? Then...a scene comes that is so strong it could stop a train cold, a scene that doesn't need to be explained to be understood.


In order to have a more valid reason for trying the accused Nazi leaders of war crimes involving WWII and the Holocaust fairly, they needed better 'proof', better witness. So...somehow, they were able to obtain footage (motion picture) taken by nazi's in(of) their concentration and death camps.


The footage was played for the whole room of participants and observers of the trials... as well as all of us in the classroom. The minute it started, both rooms fell so silent you could have heard a pin drop. As terrible, horror filled images of Madjenek (and others) began playing across the screen...the judges in the movie, as well as in my classroom finally began to realize the extent of what really happened to those innocent people. In the movie, we saw people shake their heads (as we did) and being crying and leaving. No one left in our class, but there were plenty of tears.


It's just terrible. How can civilized people do these things to other...civilized people. You'd have to completely de-humanize them...see them as animals. But even then, who could do that to an animal? It's just mad...completely bloody fucking mad. It gets me all worked up, I know.. but it's horrible. It's in the past, I know. But seeing this, gave me a whole new sympathy. A whole new reality. And now, awareness has taken away any right I ever had to be ungrateful.


Once again....Make love, not war.


"When will our consciences grow so tender that we will act to prevent human misery rather than avenge it?" --Eleanor Roosevelt


Another head hangs lowly/ Child is slowly taken/ And the violence caused such silence/ Who are we mistaken/


But You see it's not me,/ It's not my familyIn your head, in your/ Head they are fighting/ With their tanks, and their bombs/ And their bombs, and their guns/ In your head,/ In your head they are cryin'/ In your head/ Zombie/ What's in your head, in your head/ Zombie/


Another mother's breakin'/ Heart is taking over/ When the violence causes silence/ We must be mistaken/ It's the same old theme since 1916/ In your head,/ In your head they're still fightin'/ With their tanks/ In your head they are dying/


In your head, in your head/ Zombie/ What's in your head, in your head/ Zombie


--"Zombie"-Cranberries (check out "Linger" "Dreams" "Analyse" "Stars" "Promises" "Animal Instinct") http://youtube.com/watch?v=DsW-xYZJ-6M Acoustic 'Zombie'. Dolores Mary O'Riordan Burton has a beautiful voice.



The minature earth

If we could turn the population of the earth into a small community of 100 people, keeping the same proportions we have today, it would be something like this...
  • 61 asians
  • 12 europeans
  • 8 north americans
  • 5 south americans (and the carribean)
  • 13 africans
  • 1 oceana
  • 50 women
  • 50 men
  • 47 live in an urban area
  • 9 are disabled
  • 33 are Christian (Catholics, Protestants, Orthodox, Anglicans and other Christians)
  • 18 are Muslim
  • 14 are Hindus
  • 16 are non religious
  • 6 are Buddhist
  • 13 practice other religions
  • 43 live without basic sanitation
  • 18 live without an improved water source
  • 6 people own 59% of the entire wealth of the community
  • 13 are hungry or malnourished
  • 14 can't read
  • only 7 are educated at a secondary level
  • only 12 have a computer
  • only 3 have an internet connection
  • 1 adult aged 15-49 has HIV/AIDS
  • The village spend more than US$1.2 trillion on military expenditures and only US$100 billion on developement aid.
  • If you keep your food in a refridgerator, clothes in a closet, if you have a bed to sleep in, a roof over your head, You are richer than 75% of the entire world population.
  • If you have a bank account, you are one of the 30 wealthiest people in the world.
  • 18 people live on US$1.00 per day or less
  • 53 struggle to live on US$2.00 per day or less

Appreciate what you have.

Monday, December 04, 2006

5 Things


5 Things in my refrigerator:


~~1) Celery, 2) Kraft Light Done Right Three Cheese Ranch dressing, 3) Ginger ale, 4) Oranges 5) Leftover pumpkin pie


5 Things in my closet(closet? do I have one?):
~~1) Dress clothes, 2) a pair of shoes, 3) empty hangers, 4) a box full of old photos and letters, 5) laundry basket
5 Things in my purse:
~~1) Glasses, 2) Wallet, 3) A bottle of Motrin, 4) Social Security card, 5) Movie stubs
5 Things in locker:
~~1)Literature book, 2) Buddha quote, 3) Pens, 4) Pack of Big Red with only half a peice left, 5) dust
5 CDs in my sterio (or how 'bout' what's stacked on my radio):
~~1) Queen-Greatest hits, 2) The Used-mixed acoustic, 3) Peter Gabriel-Passion, 4) Ala wahda wa nos ya Ashek el sax, 5) Juliana's Mix-Vol. 2
5 Habits to break:
~~1) Keeping notes on my hand, 2) Chewing on pen caps, 3) Cracking knuckles, 4) Saying 'certain' words, 5) Taking myself for granted
5 Things on my mind right now:
~~1) My love :), 2) My mother, 3) The gateway test tomorrow, 4) A new song-with beginning lyrics, 5) Evan
Do you know more about me now?
"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." -- Anais Nin
"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change." --Buddha
"When you meet someone better than yourself, turn your thoughts to becoming his equal. When you meet someone not as good as you are, look within and examine your own self." --Confucious




Ne me quitte pas




Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens/ Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens/ Brown paper packages tied up with strings/ These are a few of my favorite things/


Cream colored ponies and crisp apple streudels/ Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles/ Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings/ These are a few of my favorite things/

When the dog bites/ When the bee stings/ When I'm feeling sad/ I simply remember my favorite things/ And then I don't feel so bad/

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes/ Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes/ Silver white winters that melt into springs/ These are a few of my favorite things/

When the dog bites/ When the bee stings/ When I'm feeling sad/ I simply remember my favorite things/And then I don't feel so bad

--"My Favorite Things" Maria-The Sound of Music

Just a quickie

Today was better. Decided to think a little more rationally than last night. Although, I had a practice quiz for the Gateway test (takes place tomorrow--Ahhh!) and nearly fell asleep in the middle of only question 22! It was an easy quiz, and it does count for a grade, but I just could not think very well through the next 50 problems, and sort of didn't do so well. But at least it didn't count for much for my overall grade. And neither will this gateway (as compared to the Finals) which is about the equivalent of an ISAT. And the rest of my day went pretty slow. But has gotten better as it goes. (yay!)

Mr. Cowman

Days have been rough on me lately. And I hardly get any sleep...when I do, it's restless. I don't eat much either....but I don't have much of an appetite lately anyway. I keep procrastinating everything til the very absolute last minute, and therefore not able to do my best in them. And I'm really exhausted lately...for what seems, no reason. Just so tired.. but cant sleep, and don't have time to either. Can't get up to do anything, and can't stay still enough to get rest.
Lot's of things seem unreal to me. It is hard to explain. But I can lay there thinking, and everything literally becomes a dream. Moving here, leaving my friends.. family...Evan not with me...Emily growing up so fast. Of course many, many more underlying things that I wouldn't say here, or to anyone. Just everything is unreal to me. It's like I'm in a dream, and I'm going to wake up out of a coma one of these days and not remember anything but this dream. Just so unreal to me... that I have a life, a love, a family, a name, a person.
I'm trying to forget the past.. and I'm doing......okay with that. But I'm not doing okay with not worrying so much about the future, or more importantly, the present. Someone said to me once...."well..The thing is EVERYONE gets a time when he/she feel lonely, left off, depressed, stressed, hurt, helpless... but people are different...some of them just go through it...and next day they forget about it" Well.. I would forget, but each new day brings new stresses, new problems to cope with.
Now, why can’t I just be happy? I love those days when I can just be so happy I could fly. Just so content with myself and my life, that I can do everything I love, I can be patient, I can help, I can play a game with my little sister….With seemingly only one thing I cant do; stop smiling, stop loving to death, everything.
I like those days. They come every so often. More so in the past couple months than ever before in my life. I want that everyday. But for some reason…the “choosing to be happy” thing isn’t working for me. Am I doing it wrong? I’ve just got too many holes in me right now. I keep trying to plug them up, but the holes are as unique as snowflakes. Nothing will fit right except its original occupant, or the occupant it is meant for. So should I just give up on that? Okay, it solves nothing either way. I just need to get things out of me. I think. I don’t know it that’s the problem or not. But it’s part of it. I need to stop trying to keep too much in one bottle. Because there’s only one size and it’s going to inevitably break if it’s packed too tight. Every new unbroken bottle is just the same. Same size, same desire to break with too much pressure. One of these days, if I don’t do anything to help myself, I’m going to run out of new bottles altogether. So the real question is…What is it that gets me up every morning?
"a man destined to hang, can never drown, a man destined to drown, can never burn, a man destined to fry, can never, ever, ever die, in any other way than frying..."

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Samson and Deliah from the inside


You are my sweetest downfall/ I loved you first, I loved you first/ Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth/ I have to go, I have to go/ Your hair was long when we first met/



Samson went back to bed/ Not much hair left on his head/ He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed/ And history books forgot about us and the bible didnt mention us/ The bible didnt mention us, not even once/



You are my sweetest downfallI loved you first, i loved you first/ Beneath the stars came falling on our heads/ But there just soft light/ Your hair was long when we first met/



Samson came to my bed/ Told me that my hair was red/ He told me i was beautiful and came into my bed/Oh i cut his hair myself one night/ A pair of dull scissors and the yellow light/ He told me that i'd done alright/ and kissed me till the morning light, the morning light/ and he kissed me till the morning light/



you are my sweetest downfall/ i loved you first


--"Samson" RegSpek
Do you think I am right in the meaning I got of this?

Us

Clever genius....

Puddles


Just look down at yourself in the reflection...imagine its looking up at you. Forever looking upward. Forever holding silent conversations in their eyes. Watching your opposite expressions. Watching those coincidences. Don't look away; can't look away; tear yourself away...only to look upward again. Only to jump to the next sea and start all over again. Enthusiam growing at each new leap. At each new upward glance, falls another drop. Another drop.
'...listening to the sound of heavens shaking; thinking about puddles, puddles and mistakes.'
Never give up loving unless you have to/ Never give up loving unless you must/ 'Cause it will haunt you in the future/ It'll try to crawl in your bed at night/
Never leave your lover unless he makes you/ By being cold and awful mean/ Even then, you'll probably always miss him/ He will visit in your dreams/
Names and dates and faces/ Places you were happyI'll never fall, never fall like that again/ I'll never fall, never fall like that again/ I'll never fall, never fall like that again/
Names and dates and faces/ Places you were happy/ I'll never fall, never fall like that again/ I'll never fall, never fall like that again/ I'll never fall, never fall like that again/
Never give up loving unless you have to/ Never leave your lover unless you must/ 'Cause he will haunt your empty heart forever/ 'Til your body turns to dust/
I want you, I want you, I want you
"You"-- Regina Spektor