Saturday, May 16, 2009
ManĂ¡
i guess there's a much better version of the song here...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZOkyUV3ki0&feature=player_embedded
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Love and labor again.
They always seem to be incredibly boring, and all the same. But the style is truely amazing when you really delve into the stories. They just tell stories of lives of normal average people, and turn them into crazy amazing.... i dunno how to explain.
Anyway, this one was really interesting with the symbolism and ideas. The way she would maybe spare 3 words to describe something that will be incredibly important in the story. So small that you almost miss it.
I really loved how simple she portrayed things. So simple and so complicated.
aaahhh
so i just wrote all of these examples but now I am replacing it with this sentence because I realized I can't give spoilers!
But the best part was the end. Because this book is all about this thing that I've been writing about a lot on here... and elsewhere.. just the latest idea I've been into. This whole thing about what it is we actually do in life. We just love and labor. We work so hard all our lives just to survive until we die. People in the US, with our health care system, will graduate from college in industrial chemistry and then go work as a plumber simply because he has asthma and the plumbing company has health insurance.
Besides that.... we love. There's all these different kinds, and we cant explain them all. We can... okay, chemicals, brain lighting up, whatever... We still cant explain exactly why it happens, why those chemicals make this happen. We still can explain what it is. It just is.
Honestly human love and labor, however misguided and in whatever form, are the only things that give meaning to life.
I happen to personally put love at the top. I don't know why, but I love love and I hate love, and love just controls the universe, why not put it on the top. It's almost as if it's god to me. I believe in it and follow it blindly by pure faith. It makes decisions for me in my life. It has no physical form.
i know... i'm a little crazy.
Monday, May 04, 2009
Saturday, May 02, 2009
Four eyed monsters
This 50-something year old and his trying-to-be-hott blondie 40 year old date sitting on the same side of the table whispering and giggling in each others ears, holding their martini's high, he's got his pinky-ringed fingers sliding up and down her shoulder.
UCK!!
In between classes, the young handsome guy takes the long route to his next class in order to run into her to steal a quick (and more often, not so quick) kiss, as if they're the only two people on the planet and not a single judging eye is turned on them.
UGH!
It's raining. Warm at first, so they go twirl around in it until it starts to turn cold. Oh no! He puts her arms around her to keep her warm and she puts hers around him under his jacket. Oh no! It's time for her to leave, but she'll freeze to death! He takes his jacket off and wraps it around her and sends her on her way while he huddles to himself and watches her until she goes out of sight.
Ewwwwwwwwwwwww
Impulsively holding hands, they think no one notices.
Impulsively tucking fly away hairs behind her hair, they think no one notices.
Taking turns lightly, playfully kicking each other's feet under the table, still, think no one notices.
ew ew ew ew.
I'm saying... "hey. Hey! HEY! I'm talking to you!!" while he's got that dazed, distracted, madly in love look in his eye watching the love of his life giggle while sitting across from him.
Yuck!
Ok. I should stop now.
"They have four eyes, two mouths, and eight limbs that wrap around themselves in narcissisitic adoration. It's disgusting. I cant help but envy them."
--Four eyed monsters
Concentration rather than Multi-tasking.
Concentration -- why bother?
Concentration is worth building because it is a foundational skill; it supports almost everything else one might do. In that way it's like intelligence. In fact, definitions of intelligence often include concentration as a component. Anecdotes about famous achievers of history suggest that one thing they shared was a phenomenal ability to get fully immersed in … something.
Michelangelo spent two years on his back, two feet from the ceiling, painting the Sistine Chapel. I myself would have spent most of that time idly wondering whether to have pizza that night or soup.
In fact, according to the stories, only the pope could break the great artist's concentration. He kept coming in to ask, "How's it going?" Finally Michelangelo "accidentally" dropped a hammer that landed too close for comfort, and the pope stayed away after that.
The proof
In one experiment, people were taught certain basic meditation techniques and then asked to meditate while hooked up to machines that scanned what their brains were doing. In people who attained a deep, meditative state, it turned out, the area of the brain known to be associated with attention became active while other areas -- those associated with emotion, for example, or with processing external stimuli -- went dormant.
Researchers then hooked brain-scanning equipment to two groups of test subjects: seasoned meditators with thousands of hours of experience and novices. With each group, when the meditators seemed to be fully immersed, the researchers set off various distractions nearby -- a blaring TV, a crying baby, a gunshot, stuff like that.
In the novices, each event triggered brain waves that spread to other parts of their brains and did not die away for a long time. In the experienced meditators, each event set off a brief burst of brain activity in one limited area and then the brain went back to its former state: In short, the input was noticed, registered and set aside.
That looks like dead-bang proof that meditation enhances a person's underlying ability to concentrate. Of course it's also true that meditation classically aims to detach meditators from the world and get them concentrating essentially on nothing. I, personally, would rather concentrate on something. I don't want to detach from the world, I want to stay in it and get something done. I don't know of any definitive proof that the power of concentration developed by meditation can be applied, for example, to flying a plane through a thunderstorm.
But the broader point seems indisputable: Concentration is a skill. If it isn't used, it can atrophy; if it isn't trained, it fails to develop past a certain point. But by the same token, with the proper training and practice, it can be developed to a level of fearsome intensity.
Preferably, this begins in childhood (which is where parents and other elders come in) but it's never too late. Adults with normal powers of concentration can strengthen those powers with simple exercises such as the following:
• Count backward from 100 slowly and steadily.
• Count backward from 100 by threes.
• Simply look at an object for a set period -- say, 15 minutes.
• Building on the previous exercise, remove the object and picture it for that same period.
And if the buzz of distracting thoughts grows intolerable, stop what you're doing, make a list of everything on your mind at that moment, choose one thing to focus on, and then schedule a time to deal with all the rest. Giving your anxieties appointments, I find, tends to make them stop petitioning for attention now.
In short, I stand with those Zen masters who, when asked how they achieved enlightenment, answered, "When I walk, I just walk. When I eat, I just eat."
---Concentration is the Key -Tamim Ansary
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Oddly Romantic
Doctor Manhattan to Laurie Juspeczyk: Thermodynamic miracles... events with odds against so astronomical they're effectively impossible, like oxygen spontaneously becoming gold. I long to observe such a thing. And yet, in each human coupling, a thousand million sperm vie for a single egg. Multiply those odds by countless generations, against the odds of your ancestors being alive; meeting; siring this precise son; that exact daughter... Until your mother loves a man she has every reason to hate, and of that union, of the thousand million children competing for fertilization, it was you, only you, that emerged. To distill so specific a form from that chaos of improbability, like turning air to gold... that is the crowning unlikelihood. The thermodynamic miracle.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Listen
We went through almost this exact experience in one of my classes. We were discussing something involving the American Dream research essays we're working on. And the opinions turned into personal experiences and emotions just rose. Everyone had horrible stories to tell. And then my teacher showed us this video.
In my SRO group (of only 5 or 6 members)... we've been working with the local government in improving various things for people in this poor community, specifically the youth(whether it be more unity, or getting free transportation for students etc.). We have done surveys and had long debates about each problem we see and why it's happening (and then how can we fix it, how can we make them listen to us and see us).
There is no wonder that damn police copter is out over our neighborhood every night spotlighting criminals. There is no wonder the students at school throw their food everywhere. There is no wonder why there are fights among peers erupting all the time, why there is a stack 3 inches tall of highschool dropout forms sitting in the registrar, why cops patrol ready to kick around any hobo they see, why the moving truck is in my apartment complex every day and the dumpster is full of furniture, toys my sister pulls out, and personal belongings that just don't fit into their one box, and I no longer have any neighbors, why that lady downstairs is screaming at herself while her friend holds her ankles so she can dig through that crap pile to find that 30$ she accidently dropped (wasn't there a time when 30$ wasn't worth digging through shit?).
Crime increases because people have no choice. They throw their food around because it's their defense mechanism, their cupboards are empty and that's their only meal each day and it's shitfood. They fight because they don't have any other outlet and their last straw is breaking. They drop out because they have to provide for their family...or else, they just gave up. Cops take their anger about the inability to provide for their families by kicking around homeless people who are just trying to survive. I don't have neighbors because they're behind on rent, their water was cut, or they're sucked into the idea that it's a perfect time to buy a house right now only to find themselves kicked out in a matter of months. My sister takes the toys from the garbage because she doesn't have much of her own. She's digging through that pile because these days, 30$ is a fortune.
What can I do. I've got my own self to take care of.
But it really does teach you what's most important in life. To cherish it, and never let it go.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Curious
When a man describes his incredible connection to his child while rocking her to sleep... what makes it so much more touching when it comes through sign language of a deaf man?
Surviving
The majority of people in the world, as far as I've observed, are in jobs that they hate, or at least the job hates them...and yet they stick with the monotony just to survive. So that they can eat every day and sleep comfortably (almost).
That's all life is... it's just... get a job, any job, hopefully the best paying job, so that you can survive. That is such a sick joke. You don't get much time to spend with people you love, to build relationships, to have fun, to laugh, to travel, not even much time to spend getting to know yourself...Toooo busy trying to survive.
What's the point of this though? Like....Life is incredibly boring if you think about it. It should be switched around... you shouldn't have to work for a year so that you can take a couple day vacation. It should be, you explore life and the world, and then go work when you feel like it.
Okay, yea you can have a shitty job and still think your getting to experience life at it's fullest... but that's kind of an illusion, yes, maybe you get some, but it's nothing compared to if you just went free.
There is a small percentage of the world that does have a job that they love and that allows them to have all of these things, but it's small. No one, NO ONE wants a job that they hate or that holds them back... so why do so many people settle for that?
I dunno... just doesn't make sense to me. I swear... if I end up in a cubicle 9 hours a day... I would rather NOT survive. I would rather eat multicolored insects and wild onions every day and sleep on hard concrete under the stars every night...
Seriously....whats the point in living if you're just trying to survive?
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
What makes something evil?
What makes something evil?
Who decides these things?
For example, in religions like Christianity and Judaism and Catholicism etc etc. SEX is horrible. Like, you're going to hell for it. Genitals practically don't exist at all until you need to bear a child, then it becomes a chore. And you can clearly see the outcome of the supression... it becomes evil because of the suppression...those stories of priests etc. But in other religions, usually ones who have kept with more ancient ideas, it seems like it was celebrated.
Example number 2, drugs and alcohol. Okay... they were put here for a pupose... and the purpose is not as sinister as people are being told. They are not here to "tempt" us into doing evil things and going to hell. Drugs can send you to hell, but only if drugs ARE your hell. Honestly, hell is what you make it. I mean, they're here for medicinal purposes, alcohol too. Medicinal purposes, whether to fix a physical ailment or just to give you some pleasure or happiness. How do I know? Because it works. If that's not what it was meant for then it wouldn't work.
These things only become "evil" when they cause you to hurt someone else. When you drink too much alcohol and then get in your car to drive home, THAT is evil. THAT is going to send you to hell. But there are so many more cases of people drinking a little for a social thing, and being responsible by taking a cab home then there are of people drunk driving.... you just only hear the bad ones. Marijuana is evil when you get high and then try to push someone off a cliff cause you think they could fly. But there are a lot more cases of it curing something than killing something.
So, this doesn't make sense to me. Sex supposedly feels good, it's amazing and spiritual and from how people have tried to describe it to me, it's a feeling that's impossible to describe. People risk their LIVES jumping out of planes over and over again just to get that rush of adrenaline and copulents that you can also get from sex. Anyway, if it's so amazing then why do they say it's evil? Why does it send you to hell? Like I said before... it only becomes evil when it's abused. When it's used to hurt someone else.
I mean really, you have a right to do anything you want with yourself and your soul. If you wanna drink all the time, and you're educated in the longterm effects of heavy drinking, then by all means, go ahead and hurt yourself. No one can tell you you're wrong for doing that until it begins to hurt someone else. It's just like killing yourself. It's not a crime, it's not going to make you hell-bound, because you can do whatever you want to yourself. Pablo Picasso thrived on the turmoil that he caused the women (whom he hate and madly adored) in his life. The pain and misery is what fueled him and his art. So if you want to get into an unstable, dysfunctional relationship, you're parents can't damn you to hell for that.
But this is where it gets complicated.
If I'm a mother, and I choose to heavily drink all the time, it is hurting my children emotionally. If I choose to kill myself through any means, it will hurt my mother. If you kill someone, it's hurting them, whether they deserved it or not. But what about death row? What happens to the guy who's job it is to inject the fatal cocktail, does he go to hell? Picasso hurt his lovers so much, but... they chose to stay with him as long as they did as well, so who's hurting who? It's so confusing. Yea, I made some pretty bold statements about what is evil and what isn't... But the world is so much more complicated, and impossible to understand. Our minds are INCAPABLE of understanding the way life and death works.
So what really is evil? Is it just someone's opinion? They always say there is good and evil, and it has to be that way for there to be balance... but do we really know what good is and what evil is?
"There is only one good, knowledge, and one evil, ignorance." -Socrates
Sunday, April 05, 2009
Monday, March 30, 2009
Sari discoveries.
I've recently discovered a few things about sari's.
You really need to be able to carry yourself upright and in a sleek manner to pull off wearing a sari as a non-indian and actually look good (not awkward) (Also, need to know how to drape it properly :p).
You also need to be aware that if you're young and amazingly beautiful such as myself... :) ...and you wear a sari in public (esp. in america), rather than detest you for seemingly being a wannabe, local pakistanis and indians' eyes will inevitably be drawn to you and they'll oogle their hearts out and possibly ask for an autograph.
And one more thing... "western" (still can't use it without parenthesis) women seem to walk much much differently than indian women. Could be the jeans, or such a fast paced... everything. But wow, sari's teach me.... IT'S OKAY TO STROLL.
:)
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Purpose
How American... how the "western" thought process is.
Question Question Question. Skepicism. Cynical. Purpose.
This is all general, of course... but
we can't do something just for the sake of doing it. We have to ask, why? Why should I do this? What do I get out of this? What's the payoff?
For example... someone I know went to thailand at some point and somehow managed to get this very prestigious buddhist monk guy to teach him. It was very very lucky because this guy didn't speak english and had always refused to instruct any "westerner's" previously. Anyway... I wont go into much detail.. but he had my friend do a lot of this gruesome meditation stuff. Very difficult. Eventually, my friend was about to give up...He went and asked the monk "Why am I doing this?" "What am I getting out of this?" And the monk just laughed at him, because he knew that his thailand students would never ever even think of questioning him. And it was one reason he never taught westerners.
Anyway... in some ways it's an asset. The cautiousness and such keep you out of trouble in some situations. But... when you think about it... maybe it came from materialism. You have to get something in return or it's just no point.
Well, was just thinking about it.
I'm gonna start meditating just to meditate.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
White Elephant: noun. a possession that is unwanted by its owner.
Been studying Hills Like White Elephants for the passed 2 weeks. Almost an hour an a half every day just dissecting it, analyzing it. My teacher (who thinks he's a professor)... Told us on the first few days to read it and take it home and annotate it. So... I read it once, then wrote a couple lame questions in the margins.
When he finally decided to bring it up in class.... I was... ugh, it's such a boring pointless story that doesn't even make sense because you can't even tell who's talking when. But he did his socratic thing and suddenly everyone in the class wasn't bored anymore. It only tooka couple clever questions to make me want to read that story again so badly.
So I went and read it a second time. And it was really strange. It was an entirely different story than I'd read the first time. This time, I filled the margins and circled words and drew arrows all over the pages. Since then, we've been having discussions about this 3 page story as a class (We actually weren't told the title til later, so that we wouldn't think to look it up online). It's been really interesting. I mean, sometimes you can really over-analyze and read too much into these things but we've been good about avoiding that. A complete transformation. This story is probably one of my favorites as of yet.
But this post isn't about analyzing this story. It's just about that experience. I think I liked that experience more than the actual story! It was just amazing what I found out about writing, symbolism, transformation, assumtions, things I found out about myself and about what can be.
- "Of course it does. But I don't want anybody but you. I don't want any one else. And I know it's perfectly simple."
- "Yes, you know it's perfectly simple."
- "It's all right for you to say that, but I do know it."
- "Would you do something for me now?"
- "I'd do anything for you."
- "Would you please please please please please please please Stop talking." --from Hills Like White Elephants, Ernest Hemingway
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Anger RAawrrrr
I saw a very sad thing today. (I already tweeted it :p )
:(
I was walking down the road, and a car drove passed and I saw a man hitting and punching something in the passenger seat. So, I looked and there was a girl hunkered down in the passenger seat :( I couldn't tell how old she was, adult or teenager. This man, is driving and beating this girl at the same time. What a way to multi-task.
What do you do with something like that? Take down the lisence plate and call it in? I mean... nothing... absolutely nothing.
It got me thinking though. There are a LOT of angry people in this neighborhood. Or maybe I'm just noticing it lately.
For example, there's a few faculty at the school that I somehow circuitous-ly found out later had gotten pink slips and there last day is the 23rd of april. They are especially grumpy and mean and impatient lately. I smile at them and they growl at me.
Also, the other day, I was walking a few blocks back to my house and there was a woman screaming and cussing into her cell phone as she walked behind me. She crossed the four lane road and I could still hear her screaming angrily all the way home (Now, I dunno.. but, it seems like yelling at somebody through a phone for an hour wouldn't be quite as effective....).
Another day, I was walking and saw some guy yelling at some other guy saying something about money and saying "fucking" every other word.
Anyway... there's too much anger around here. Public stunts like those too. Maybe it's a city thing i'm just not used to, or maybe just a low-income neighborhood thing, or maybe there is some other reason...
I don't know. But...people should just be happy. They would be so much... happier...if they'd just be happy.
"If you want to be happy, be." ~Leo Tolstoy
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Demeter
![](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitat1vjRjOVFBZla19GzJjH3x_3vVp7K55oIQv5CRPQsUb-W-gktZUZekCEO7EjvbsYh1KidqA4hYdNLt3ykrHyGMahoB-hQ2BF5zbw8eXbNmB2RskYO7ib87WKYI6MjPpM6ce/s320/green_lotus.jpg)
YAY Sooo Spring Equinox was yesterday. But I'm pretending it's sunday, because that's when I'm celebrating. And you know... Sacramento is perfect. It was a little cold all week, but yesterday, it was nice and warm :)
Flowers are blooming and we've got them in vases all over the house. Aaaahhhh spring. Winter was so horrible. Even without the snow, it was sloooowww and depressing. Of course, that could be for other reasons too but.... ugh, what is it about winter?
Anyway, doesn't matter now, I can breathe (despite the allergies :p ) now.
Spring Equinox always reminds me of Demeter and Persephone. There was this one story I had to translate from Latin to English in my Latin class a long time ago. I can't remember it exactly, but I know it explains why the seasons exist and it's sad. Something about....
Once upon a time, Demeter (the goddess of agriculture) blah blah, and Perseophone had to marry Hades and blah blah. Hades took Persephone to live with him in the Underworld. Blah blah blee. Demeter was too sad and just let all the crops die and the people of the earth were begging her to let their crops grow back so she got help from Zeus and He-blah blah to get her daughter Persephone back home. Demeter went to get her daughter blah blah made a deal with Hades blah blah pomegranite blah. Persephone was bound to spend 6 months of the year with her mother and 6 months in the Underworld with Hades. Everytime Persephone goes to Hades, Demeter gets too sad and lets all the crops die...and when Persephone comes home, Demeter is happy and makes the flowers grow :) Thus explains the seasons.
aaaahh... I'm such a good story-teller.
'Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"' ~Robin Williams
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Pink slips flying all around
Why isn't education a priority in this country??
That really bothers me.
We're just reaching the peak of this "recession", or rather... lowest of the low, so it's going to hit me hard next year trying to get into college. SOoooo many factors will be working against me simply because of the budget cuts. The major thing I have going for me is that I'm faaar from middle class and even farther from upper....ironically, that's what'll save me (people WANT to give poor people scholarships :P ).
Why cut the most funding to schools and universities? It just doesn't make sense. An apres moi le deluge thing (been dying to use that phrase :) ). Don't care that this country will die if the next generation isn't educated enough to take care of it. Don't care that the education system was created in the 50s, and is now holding students back from the advances in knowledge that the world has made. Money money money. Well... everything should be free. At least education and healthcare. If you're gonna spend money somewhere shouldn't it be there?
:( just makes me sad for this country.... So proud of being The Best, and yet we're sooooo far behind other parts of the world.
hmmph.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
When things fall apart
Then, they set up a new experiment with the same babies. This time, once the babies turned the tv off, it couldn't be turned back on.
What they really were testing for was how do babies react when things "fall apart".
The interesting thing about it was that after the tv turned off, most of the baby boys would focus hard on that string and continue to pull it over and over again, seemingly determined to make it work, to turn the tv back on, to fix it. Most of the baby girls on the other hand.... gave up and started to cry (of course, for a baby, this is the most effective way to get help).
Anyway... okay, so it doesn't say much for me, being female.
:) But luckily, as we grow, despite what are tendencies are, we can choose our strategy of dealing when things fall apart. We're more aware of the other options. When we're older, we can think, "okay, what exactly is the problem here?" "is this fixable?" "Does it need to be fixed, or just needs some attention?" and what strategy is going to do something for the initial problem.
The thing I always seem to forget is that there are more "strategies" than just the ones that are easy for me. That I should choose it based on the problem, not based on what i feel like doing. Like in Pema Chodron's (a female monk) book (which I've never read, but I heard this story), i'll shorten it, basically, there's a vicious temple dog loose coming straight for them, ready to attack. Rather than running away, they run towards it, and it gets scared and goes away. So... If I chose the strategy of "Denial", it probably wouldn't be the best tactic in a problem like that.
Sometimes, I've got to run straight into the fear, difficulties..etc. I guess it just depends on the problem. Over all, I think I just need to stop taking myself so seriously. I'm a pretty laid back person, but sometimes, c'mon....this is ridiculous, why am i making it so serious? Just laugh.
"Life itself is more like a river than a rock. Life is in flux, it changes, twists and turns, ebbs and flows. When a river encounters a boulder, the boulder may win for a while. But eventually, even the most massive stone is worn away by the currents of time....learn to swim in the river rather than climb out of it onto the rock." --Rev. Doug Kraft
Sunday, February 08, 2009
Rose Day playlist
Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
Amie - Damien Rice
Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's
Ache - James Carrington
Do you Realize? - The Flaming Lips
Falling for you - Jem
Julia - The Beatles (John Lennon)
The Past and Pending - The Shinns
Better Days Will Come - Tahiti ( ? )
Clocks - Coldplay
Goodnight and Go - Imogene Heap
Crazy On You - Heart
What You're Thinking - Cristopher Jak
Work - Jimmy Eat World
Us - Regina Spektor (...because you don't like her voice, I'm putting this one in ;) oh, and that it's all about Us immortalizing our love for eachother and spreading it to the world :* )
Hey Jude - The Beatles
You're Beautiful - James Blunt
Young Folks - Peter, Bjorn, and John
Chaiyya chaiyya - A. R. Rahman ( just.... because :p )
Green Eyes - Coldplay
Blue - LeeAnn Rimes
Tear Drop - Massive Attack
Maria - ALO
Drops of Jupiter - Train
Let Go - Frou Frou
Five For Fighting - Superman
A Message - Coldplay
Konstantine - Something Corporate
When the Sun Goes Down - Charlie Mars
Collide - Howie Day
Desert Rose - Sting
Maps - Yeah yeah yeahs
I want you - Massive Attack
Hang on Little Tomato - Pink Martini
Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots - Flaming Lips
Isis - Bob Dylan
Romeo and Juliet - The Killers (Dire Straits cover)
Love You Madly - Cake
Feel free to add, subtract, adjust or praise... :)