I was thinking...
My life is in such an odd spot.
Overall, I think there is one word that can describe what my life is, at least what it is right now...and that's "hope".
That's really all it is, all that makes it up, through and through...no exaggeration...
I am hope, everything I do or think or say is hope.
Every next thought I have is in some way connected to hope, and though it seems in a distant manner, it is so close to really being hope that it's hardly distinguishable.
Alright, that made no sense...What I'm trying to say is...
I feel like I dont have anything right now, all I have is hope. So being hope may not be such a good thing in some cases, but a fabulous thing in others....See...I am not living in the moment in the sense that... I am not here, I am there...drowning in hopes. I hope for this and that to happen...but nothing is within my reach. Everything that I hope for is beyond it... so I just have to wait...'til the one thing that will boost me closer comes. But waiting, leaves me daydreaming. I wont get anything done, nothing to the best of my ability, because my thoughts are not here, they are there. The funny thing is, there's nothing that can be done about it. Unless of course, I can some how morph the hope into some kind of incentive to actually focus. I know I need to focus, but I just don't want to.... Because when I dwell in my world of hopes, I smile. I laugh. I am excited. Never do I feel better. I think about next spring... going to Sacramento...new slate...everything I want to learn...everything I want to accomplish....everything I want to see and do...everyone I want to meet. The list continues...on and on...but I dont expect things to go quite as I hope...after all, nothing ever does. And that just adds to the anticipation. Risk, curiosity, mystery, never know what's gonna happen....even though I seem to get into a lot of bad luck...each time, I learn something. And yes, slowly but surely I am teaching myself how to deal, how to cope, how to be happy no matter what, how to not care what anyone else in the world thinks...things will get better, things will get happier, things will be perfect! "But sometimes math is even more magical. Like when you toss a couple numbers in the crucible of a function box, and no one sees what goes on in there, but they come out the other side, they are multicolored dancing digits of phenomenal cosmic power.....Just sometimes one and one turn out to be worth more together than you would imagine." -- My teacher, The Melissa
My life is in such an odd spot.
Overall, I think there is one word that can describe what my life is, at least what it is right now...and that's "hope".
That's really all it is, all that makes it up, through and through...no exaggeration...
I am hope, everything I do or think or say is hope.
Every next thought I have is in some way connected to hope, and though it seems in a distant manner, it is so close to really being hope that it's hardly distinguishable.
Alright, that made no sense...What I'm trying to say is...
I feel like I dont have anything right now, all I have is hope. So being hope may not be such a good thing in some cases, but a fabulous thing in others....See...I am not living in the moment in the sense that... I am not here, I am there...drowning in hopes. I hope for this and that to happen...but nothing is within my reach. Everything that I hope for is beyond it... so I just have to wait...'til the one thing that will boost me closer comes. But waiting, leaves me daydreaming. I wont get anything done, nothing to the best of my ability, because my thoughts are not here, they are there. The funny thing is, there's nothing that can be done about it. Unless of course, I can some how morph the hope into some kind of incentive to actually focus. I know I need to focus, but I just don't want to.... Because when I dwell in my world of hopes, I smile. I laugh. I am excited. Never do I feel better. I think about next spring... going to Sacramento...new slate...everything I want to learn...everything I want to accomplish....everything I want to see and do...everyone I want to meet. The list continues...on and on...but I dont expect things to go quite as I hope...after all, nothing ever does. And that just adds to the anticipation. Risk, curiosity, mystery, never know what's gonna happen....even though I seem to get into a lot of bad luck...each time, I learn something. And yes, slowly but surely I am teaching myself how to deal, how to cope, how to be happy no matter what, how to not care what anyone else in the world thinks...things will get better, things will get happier, things will be perfect! "But sometimes math is even more magical. Like when you toss a couple numbers in the crucible of a function box, and no one sees what goes on in there, but they come out the other side, they are multicolored dancing digits of phenomenal cosmic power.....Just sometimes one and one turn out to be worth more together than you would imagine." -- My teacher, The Melissa
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