Guilt or Remorse

Guilt or is it remorse? or what is the difference if there is any at all?
One thing for sure is that if you don't ever feel any, then you're a psychopath.

I've been thinking about the difference between the two and how to deal with it as well.
I think the difference is that with guilt, you're a bad person doing a bad thing. Remorse comes from a good person who did a bad thing. Someone told me once that I just need to look inside and figure out whether I am the good person or the bad person. But of course... everyone's the good person (at least, I'd like to think that under all the bad, there's some good...).
And anyway, what do we call that unnecessary guilt? The kind that some feel so deeply but can't step far enough away to see that there's no sense in it? Or that diffused kind that we just throw around "i'm sorry's" every which way for?

So, how do I/we/s/he make it go awaaaayyy...???
Well, there is one way. It seems as though it would be obvious, but we dont think of it because we're trained to suck it in, be a man, get over it (which leaves us with a couple generations plagued with ulcers).
Anger.
Guilt is directed inside of us, while anger lashes out. Whether it's in a relationship (what could I have done better) or some unnecessary guilt.... As soon as you feel anger about it, the guilt disappears and you can't even see why you'd ever have felt it was your fault. Don't be afraid of feeling anger. After that, no one can be angry forever. Even though anger can be so passionate... I believe it's a weaker emotion as compared to guilt, easily disposed of.

So, transformation. Transform guilt into anger, and anger into joy.

I'm not a big fan of anger, but it's something I could bear if it meant getting away from guilt. And as for escaping the remorse and guilt you deserve to feel....Well, really, the only way to leave it in the past and move on is through forgiveness. Forgiveness from the hurt, the victims...which most definitely includes yourself.



"Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion of death." --Coco Chanel

Reminder #9

The first step to loving yourself is forgiving yourself.

How to capture joy...

I've come to the conclusion that only I can make myself happy...So I've found 4 things to consider when searching for (and holding on to that) joy...

Here they are...

First, is your Body. Take care of your body and be aware of what is and is not normal for it. Be aware of its functions and keep it balanced. Simple as that.

And that leads right into the second thing... Present. Be fully aware of the present. No regretting, no worrying about the future. Think about the present only...well you can't really think about it, but you can think about the second after...close enough. It reminds me of a movie I saw a while back, can't remember what it was. Anyway, There was a part the girl asked the guy how he knows all these things about her, if he can read her mind or something. He just said he listens and pays attention... and notices. That's all. Just enjoy the present. Enjoy the smells and the sounds you hear. Be aware of the things you're feeling and your body is doing...breathing, your heart beating. Listen. Notice.

The third thing is... RELAX. Just relax... It's simple really. Simple and common sense. BREATHE. Why be so tense? Even when something is upsetting, just breathe. I heard someone say once that anxiety is just excitement without oxygen. So true :)

And the last thing... of course is.....Smile. I've found if you can make yourself smile... negativity just melts away. Smile and laugh. It works wonders.

After all this.... there's joy.

I just have to remember that Joy is formless. I can't hold onto it, try as i might. Holding on to physical things trying to make them make you happy is just a mess. Counterfeit joy equals mild hysteria. So the bad thing about joy is that you can't hold on to it, but one of the best things about it is that... it can arise anywhere.

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present" -- ...okay, so i heard it on kung fu panda.... :p

Shinto solstice...

...They were all cast into darkness and confusion. Their Sun Goddess, Amaterasu, had been driven out of the sky into a cave by her mischievous brother. All of the sky gods and goddesses went to the cave trying to lure her out. The waved their scarves and sang,

Amaterasu, bearer of light.

We stub our toes, we bump our nose

in this gloomy night.

Amaterasu, bearer of light.

Enlighten us, please brighten us

with your lovely sight.

But it didn't work.

Maybe she couldn't hear them?

So all the earth gods and goddesses came to help. They beat the earth like drums and sang with the others...

Amaterasu, bearer of light.
We stub our toes, we bump our nose
in this gloomy night.
Amaterasu, bearer of light.
Enlighten us, please brighten us
with your lovely sight.

But it didn't work.

Maybe she STILL couldn't hear them.

So all of the water gods and goddesses came to help. They danced and twirled and sang along with the others....

Amaterasu, bearer of light.

We stub our toes, we bump our nose

in this gloomy night.

Amaterasu, bearer of light.

Enlighten us, please brighten us

with your lovely sight.

Finally, Amaterasu heard. She wondered what all this celebrating out side was and peeked out of her cave. She saw the singing and dancing and drumming and joy... and flew all the way back into the sky...

Amaterasu, bearer of light.
Enlighten us, please brighten us
with your lovely sight.

(song lyrics, original by Doug Kraft of UUSS)

Reminder #8

How can I build on what I already started?

Advent inspirations

I was thinking about patience and waiting a lot lately. Wondering what I'm waiting for... how long do I have to wait? Wait wait wait. I'm bored of waiting... how much longer?

But then I realized.... Waiting is not passive.

Why do I think that because I'm waiting, it's okay to do nothing else? There is absolutely no reason why I shouldn't be doing, acting, moving, as a part of waiting. Because that's what it is... It is intertwined with waiting.

Waiting is definitely not passive.


"All human wisdom is summed up in two words - Wait and Hope." --Alexandre Dumas

Laila and majnun again

Majnun knocked on Leyla's door.
"Who's there?"
"It is I."
"Go away. There is no room here for you and I."
Majnun retreated to the forest, meditated for a long time, and then returned.
"Who is it?"
"It is you."
The door opened.

The magic of listening

Our waitress' hair flipped through the air as she whirled off to serve another impatient customer. My mother gasped and asked if Web and I had seen "that".
"What?"
The girl had tattoos behind each of her ears... little hearts or something, couldn't quite make it out. Mama touched her right ear and tears started welling up in her eyes... then tears started spilling out of mine. Webba, of course, had to ask what the fuss was about.

The crazy fluctuation of hormones during my mother's pregnancy with me, caused the oteosclerosis disorder that she has to manifest itself. This caused her to lose hearing in the ear... but she could still hear through her skull. Obviously, not well though. The disorder unbeknownst to them, people became intimidated because of her peircing blue eyes, staring so intently at their lips while they talked. Over the years, it depressed her and ultimately lead to a lot of sorrow for various reasons. Of course, I've always connected myself to the cause, even though I know it could've happened at puberty or menopause or even her prgnancy with my brother.

It was only a couple years ago that she finally got the money to have the surgery done to correct this disorder as much as possible (a short term relief and not perfect, but better than hearing through your skull). Even though there are tones that she'll never hear again, it changed her life completely. She became herself. No longer listening through the vibrations of the wooden dance floor, she can appreciate the music she loved so much more in such a different way.

Webba started to cry. We cried because my mother finally found what she was looking for. The thing that changed her life.... The thing that meant enough to her to make it permanently known to the world. That bone behind her ear... is the only way she could hear anything for some 13 years. Immediately I began sketching an intricate design involving a treble clef and a B flat.




"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."
—Samuel Langhorne Clemens